Gone from us but not our hearts

Today is a difficult day for my daughter. Two years ago she gave birth to a stillborn. Her baby would be two years old today. I always feel bad for her around this time because I don't know her pain. She was a young mother that had to go through carrying the child for six months then giving birth knowing she would never be bringing her baby home with her. So this post is dedicated to my granddaughter Jocelyn Marie. Even though you aren't with us in the here and now you are forever with us in our hearts. I just wish I knew the right words to say to her to take the pain away. But I guess that is something that will hurt for a very long time.

July 3 is Consensual Spanking Day

Todd and Suzy from the blog American Spanking Society have founded a day for us spankos. July third is marked as consensual spanking day. They wrote a post that you can find here that details the reasons for this special day. It basically comes from the bad light that the media has given us and wanting a chance to give our community a chance to stand together and be united for at least one day out of the year. Although I am sure that most of us dont need a special day for spanking I believe it would be a great thing if we can ever get it made a holiday that is acknowledged by more then just the everyday spanko's. I would have used there banner if I know how to do that. Thomas is at work so I can't really ask him but I will just link to the post where they talk about it. So it is just around the corner and hopefully there will be lots of spankings going on that day.

New affiliates

Before I share my new affiliates I wanted to re share this video from the false start for the cookie challenge. The lexan is my favorite implement but it was a bit hard to take that day. enjoy



As some of you have already noticed I have added a few links to my sidebar. These are a few new affiliates I saw and I like the variety that they have. There is pretty much every kind of fetish out there and I wanted my readers to have more then just the spanking sites to look at. There is a few spanking ones as well that havent been featured on this blog before. Elite spanking is one that I really like as well. Take a look and join some if you havent already. I myself like the bondage ones. That's why there are so many of them lol.

1. Amatuer Bondage videos

2. Bondage auditions

3. Bound 4 you

4. femdominas.com

5. fetishclub

6. Elite Spanking videos

7. My Kinky Diary

8. Pain Freaks

9. Perfect spanking

10. Punished Angels

11. Pure Spanking

12. Real Bondage Videos

13. Rick Savage

14. Chanta's Bitches

15. Fucked and Bound

16.Twisted factory

17. Captive Male

The spank off is on

I got some god news about the 2009 spank off, Or I believe it is now being called the 2009 spankingtube challenge. Richard Windsor wrote a post here where he mentions all the rules. I admit though there are not alot of rules but of course there has to be some guidelines for something like this. He has the contest open to anyone that isnt a professional. You can see his post here for what would qualify someone as a professional. So far the last time I checked their was 5 couples signed up. If you are interested in participating please see his post and add a comment or email him about it. I think this should be alot of fun and I can't wait till we get it all started. Richard Windsor has made a video for the contest that he is hoping to have up today. I will share it here as well if it is approved by tonight before I go to bed. If it isnt approved by then then I will add it in later when it is. heres the video now as promised.


I believe that this could be a whole lot of fun. As he mentions in his post those that enter should be prepared to make three videos at least. Richard is also looking for some sponsors for the event. If anyone is interested in being a sponsor and providing a prize email Richard Windsor at houndog_windsor@yahoo.com and let him know.

self spanking

On spanking tube there seems to be quite a few videos of self spanking. I never really thought much about it. But I do wonder what it would be like. If i didn't have a spanker would I be up to self spanking? I would think no I couldn't do it but I am still a little curious to see what it is about. I have read where guys find self spanking rather hot. I don't know why but it seems that those types of spankings are what some would like more then watching a couple.

I would like to ask my readers their feelings on the subject. Have you ever self spanked? If you do how does it differ from being spanked by someone else? Would you ever consider self spanking if you didnt have a partner? Is self spanking as effective as discipline spankings? Do you think that self spanking is hotter then a couples video? Any others ideas or information you might think of or know about self spanking.

I have considered making a self spanking video just to see what it is like. Of course I would share it on my blog if I do do it. But Ill ask how many of my readers would like to see a self spanking from me? I wonder if it takes practice or how you would go about doing it. I'm just wondering if I would be able to do a self spanking that would help relieve stress. I doubt I could because my pain tolerance is usually pretty high and it takes a pretty good and sound spanking to relieve my stress.

Curiosity is something that always seems to make me want to do things just to try them out. It is usually things that if i dont like it then i really wouldnt have to do it again. Some things I am curious about I suppose I will never find out about. Such as figging and certain other BDSM things and all. But I'm wondering and curious if I could give myself a sound spanking for relief. It would be something I could be willing to try once I get the nerve up to do it. I certainly could use one now and it doesn't seem Ill get my wish from Thomas any time soon. I almost feel like I have to do something to get a spanking that matters and even then it usually isnt enough to be a stress relief.

Well i guess this is something I have to think more about anyway. I am thinking I might get the nerve to do it or I might not. I can only guess that it wouldnt be as bad as getting a spanking from someone else. I guess the only way to find out would be to try it out. Ill keep you all informed if I do decide to try it out.

As some may have noticed i added some fetish affiliates to my side bar. I know most of you know that Thomas is more into spanking then anything else. However I like alot more then just spanking. So I would like to share some good sites that I like. One is Rick Savage I like alot of his things usually. Here's a link for a video that I like. I think even though I dont like caning I would love to have some bondage play with a few cane strokes. There is alot of things that I would love to try involving BDSM and bondage and other play besides just straight spanking.

So check out the new sites I am sure there is something for everyone's taste.

Happy Father's Day

In our household Father's Day has never really been celebrated. I don't have a Father that I can call and talk to too and the kids have never really had anyone they consider a father until now. But Thomas really doesn't even celebrate any kind of Birthday or day such as today. So this day really is just another day for our house.

Thomas has decided to celebrate today as Mother's Day since our Mother's Day this year was not the greatest and we spent most of the day dealing with the attitudes of a teenage girl. Hopefully today will go better. Maybe I can just ask Thomas for a long hard spanking session for Mother's Day. Just to get some of the frustrations out.

I recevied an email a few days ago that was titled Father's Day prayer. It was quite funny. It had a picture of a little girl praying and she said "I pray for all the poor women on Daddy's computer please help them so they can buy some clothes." It was quite funny. I thought about Thomas on that one.

I just wanted to wish all the readers that are Fathers out there a very Happy Fathers Day. I hope that your day is full of good memories. Children really can be a blessing.

As far as the trip to the garage last night. He took me out there to discuss some issues and gave me a dose of our wedding gift. Lucky for me it was quick and over soon enough. I can't really say it helped with any stress relief though because it didn't really do much. The garage actually felt cooler then the rest of the house last night though. During the day the garage is like an oven but at night it is cooler.

Today is supposed to be hotter then yesterday. They advise people to stay indoors and stay hydrated. The staying indoors part doesn't really help us much. The only good part would be that there isnt any sun beating down on you and causing a burn but it is quite hot. The pool is really the only thing we have to cool ourselves down with. and lieing still in front of the fans. I have been a little leery about going swimming lately. My son was swimming the other day and he came upon another snake. This one was bigger then the last one. I just keep thinking about the snakes that they have seen in the pool and i cant bring myself to go swimming yet. Hopefully soon. Snakes really creep me out though.

Well I am going to get going and get some rest in front of the fan before it gets way to hot in here to think.

Again Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.

hot and irritated

The weather has been extremely hot around here. Add to that the fact that our air conditioner is broken and you have about five people at wits end stuffed into a hotter then hell house. Needless to say we have been snappy and irratable the last few days. I had someone come and look at the air and he told us that everything was okay with the air but we need about 5 pounds of refrigerate or whatever it is that goes in the air to make it cold. And that cost at least 45 a pound. Which is of course money that we dont have at the time. he was supposed to work with us on a weekly basis but never showed up on Friday. So I guess we will have to suffer until we can come up with about 300 dollars at least.

I am getting really frustrated with everything. Finding a job is not going very well no one seems to be hiring. Although I might be going back to my old job at a different location. The manager said they weren't really looking but might need someone for a few second shifts. I hope that pans out at least. it wont be much but it will be better then nothing. I also think that my children's sperm donors get together and make it a point to all stop paying child support at the same time just to screw me over. My 9 year olds dad stopped paying as of April 8th and the other two havent sent anything since May 10th. So we are living on just Thoma's income which with the cut in hours isn't that much either.

Thomas works on my nerves as well. Im already frustrated about other things and of course I get bitchy as well. So it isnt any wonder that we will be ending up in the garage tonight for a discussion. Sometimes I wonder why he likes to frustrate me other ways when he knows I am already frustrated. Its times like these when the whole poly thing seems like a good idea. He gives me alot more as far as our relationship and love but as far as anything in our sex life he tends to ignore any hints or clues that a good fucking could be all I need at the time. Its so far and few between that we even have any kind of sexual things that I tend to forget by the time he decides he wants something what sex is even like. Sexual frustration is a bitch especially when there are other factors stressing you or making you irratable.

Sorry didnt mean to make this post a bitch session but I just needed to vent and get it out. I'm hot and bothered in more ways then one at the moment. Hopefully the session in the garage will relive some of the stress but I seriously doubt it will. We will see I guess.

Richard is supposed to be putting up a video about the spankoff tonight. Once I get more information and the video I will share it with you all. Thomas and I have a few ideas of what we might want to try for the video we enter with. But I'm not giving out any hints. I do hope that my readers will check the videos out and go and vote for the ones that they like. I would say hopefully vote for us but I only want the votes if you really think that ours is the best. I'm going to go lie down in front of the fan for a little and try to cool off some.

The Cane

As I have said before the cane is not one of my favorite implements. At least not when it is used on me. Sometimes if Thomas is gentle we do get a little cane play but I am usually not into using a cane for play. With that it is a wonder that many of the implements that I own have come from Cane-iac. I actually have a collection of canes. I have two rattan canes and a school cane that is thin. I have a delrin cane and a nylon loopy which is like a cane I also have the three canes i recevied for Christmas. Thomas and I did a video with a few of the implements I have from cane-iac. As anyone can see from watching that I really don't take the cane to well. Lol. But I do highly recommend Cane-iac. as they do have many implements besides canes as well. I have to say that I do like my canes as well from them as long as they are only ever used for play. I traded Thomas the nylon cane that is now my most dreaded implement for his patty paddle that I really like. We havent really used the patty paddle for paddling though as I like it for its looks.


So why then if I dread the cane so much for myself do I really like caning videos to watch. A video with a hard caning has always been my favorite. I really like Lupus films and far east because of their intensity and great caning videos. Guess maybe I just like to see others in pain maybe. I dont really like to see others in pain for real or in real life. I think if it was real life and there was a caning as intense as what i like to watch on videos then I wouldnt be able to watch it. I would feel to bad. In fact I have seen one in real life that was pretty intense that I cringed at and it didnt have the same effect videos have for me. But I dont feel bad watching it in videos. I have no clue why that is though. Hard intense caning videos actually turn me on more then any other kind of porn does. regular porn doesn't really do anything for me but put me to sleep.

I am wondering if I might one day end up liking canings for myself or if I will always just like watching them. I dont know but I wanted to share the link for Cane-iac. as well as a few caning videos from spanking tube that I like. I also shared a couple of other pictures of the implements that we own from cane-iac.

Spank off

Before I get into the spank off I have the video that I wanted to share with you yesterday. Its a bit long but if you can last for 16 minutes the ending is quite nice. Or you could fast forward to it lol. Anyway I thank everyone for all their time support and friendship again. Enjoy our memories movie from the last two years.



I mentioned earlier about the spankingtube spankoff and things. Richard Windsor has posted alot of information about the upcoming event and has gotten the wheel started for the whole thing. He is currently trying to get 20 couples to join in and looking for ideas and prizes. So far there seems to be three contestants. Thomas and I, Kyle and Kat, and Bill and Sarah. Richard Windsor has even added a few clips of each couple on his site. You can read about the whole event on his blog here. Hopefully we can get alot of people to show interest and have some contestants and voters. I am not sure where or how the voting will go about. I also am not to sure what the criteria will be for the votes either. I have a few ideas in my own head about some things that Thomas and I can do for our videos. Sure hope creativity is one of the criteria lol. I am looking at the possibility of having a camera person as well. It will help with variety of the shots for the video. We can sure have alot of fun with this I bet. Anyway check out his blog. Any questions or comments can be left here or there or you can send me an email to c00kie_crawford@yahoo.com Ill make sure to find the answers or contact Richard for you as well. I believe his email is listed on his blog as well.

Thomas kind of poked his self or something so he can't really spank at the time lol. At least not easily with his hand. He would probably hurt himself long before he would hurt my bottom *giggles*. For those that haven't seen it the Cookie challenge video we did shows just how ineffective the hand is to me. I enjoy the hand but only for play and usually just for a warm up to bigger and better implements lol. A hand spanking definitely wouldnt be any type of discipline to me. But we tell Thomas that lol.

Speaking of the Cookie challenge I suppose I am going to ask Thomas if we can skip the Lexan for now and maybe do the strap or the bath brush instead. Of course with something like that I would need to know more about the timeline for the spank off because of markings, I wouldn't want to go into the spank off marked already. But I really want to get some more videos for you as well as work more on the Cookie challenge as it has been slow going so far. A viewer from spankingtube has requested that I receive half a dozen or a dozen swats with a school paddle. We have the school desk and I have the outfit. But the closet we have to a school paddle would be the frat paddles that Thomas has. I think though we can come up with something.

two years strong

I dont recall the actual date at the moment but I do know that this blog is officially two years old. I think it was on the 10 or 14th. I spent the major part of the day working on a special project for my readers. I am hoping to have that to share tomorrow. That all depends on how long it takes spankingtube to approve it. Sometimes it goes quickly and sometimes it takes awhile.

Thomas and I have been together longer then I have had my blog of course so I have many fond memories and things from all that time. But I have to give a big thank you to all my readers and those I have meet both in person and online. Thomas and I will always be a domestic discipline couple and true spankos. But it is the readers of both our blogs that make our play times alot more fun when we are making videos or taking pictures to share with you.

We have come across some of the nicest and most friendly people I have meet in this community. The stories we write, The contest we enter, The parties we attend and the times we share with other spankos as well all hold a very special part of our hearts and memories. The comments both good and bad make it all worthwhile and fun. It is alot of fun to interact even just online with other spankos and see the differences in everyone's life.

I look forward to many more times and parties and videos and things to share with my readers as well. I never imagines two years ago that I would ever put myself out there the way I have with this blog and the people we have meet. I went from being really really shy and reserved to having a ball sharing this part of who we are. There also is alot to Thomas and i that goes on behind the scenes as well. Not every part of us will be able to be written videotaped or shared on a blog or elsewhere but our readers do get alot of the juicy details.

Thomas and i may never journey as far as the industry on a production level or anything like that. We can hope that we will get to where we can sell videos or work for a spanking production company or something in the spanking world. But for now we are just your normal everyday couple sharing our lives for others as entertainment. It is just as fun and entertaining for us to do as well.

So I want to extend a great big thank you to everyone who has read our blogs, left us comments, chatted with us online, meet us in person, attended a party we did, And everyone that I have had the pleasure of gracing there lap for some spanking play. Thank you for the friendships and the support and a reason to blog and make videos.

Hopefully soon we will be able to do some more videos. The garage is cleaned up more and Thomas has retrieved alot of his furniture from his other house that can be used for spanking videos and play. So I am sure we can come up with quite a few videos both serious discipline, play spankings, roleplay type spankings and just for fun goof off videos (they are my favorite kind).

Spank Idol?

I recently wrote a post titled the Battle of the Tops. It was mentioned that the whole videos that they made against each other was a hoax to promote their new spank Idol thing where they will be having a spank off so to speak. I don't really think it could be considered a spank idol type thing as they usually have more then just two people to start with. With that whole idea though it doesn't seem far off to actually come up with a sort of thing as a contest that is kind of based on the whole "American Idol" thing or the "So you think you can dance" theme shows.

So I purpose that we start a "so you think you can spank" type contest. Thomas suggested some good ideas has to how to go about something like that. Ill have to check into some prizes and all but I think that it will be fun to start a spanking contest where each couple will make and share a video that uses different elements of spanking technique and such. And each week voters will pick the ones they like and each week one will be eliminated due to lack of votes.

I'm interested to see how many couples we can get to start this and also some themes for each week. An Example would be one week the theme would be the best roleplay type scene and etc. Please leave a comment or send me an email if you would like to be one of the couples entered or if you have any ideas for the themes and what not. I think as a community we could have alot of fun with something like this and it will get alot more people to get beyond their camera shyness maybe. It will all be done in fun so it wouldnt be really a competition as far as who spanks harder or what not. For now I am just looking for interest and ideas and hoping to make something like this possible. I cant wait to hear from everyone.

****After I wrote this post and Thomas came home and checked the spankingtube site it has come to my attention that this idea is actually in the works. Richard Windsor is working on setting the whole thing in motion. But I am still looking for comments and ideas and of course people who would like to enter. I will keep everyone posted as to what is going on with the whole idea. It sounds like it can be alot of fun and It has even been mentioned that maybe we could make it an annual event. I wrote that it would be really neat if we could get a Tv show started from it. LOL There are plenty of spanking sites though and lots of ways this can work out for everyone. Looking forward to it actually. So once everything is in motion dont forget to come and vote wherever we end up having it hosted. ***********

I wanted to share a video I saw on spanking tube. It is one of the best rated on the tube and I really enjoyed seeing it myself so I wanted to share.

Buccaneers Fan fest

Today is family day for our family. We started the day by attending the 2009 Buccaneers Fan Fest at the stadium. It was a very hot day but we had alot of fun. My daughter is a big Buccaneers fan so she really wanted to go. I have a few photos from today that Id like to share. Two pictures won't be available online until the 16th. Although I did take a picture of the pictures for now. When they are available I will add them here as well. they are green screen shots where they add us into a Buccaneers scene.









My daughter got a picture of each of the Buccaneers cheerleaders as they signed their calendars. That was the highlight of our day was getting the calendars and the cheerleaders autographs. The football players were harder to get as they only gave vouchers out to the first 100 people and most of the autographs had to come from that. We were able though to get a few of the players autographs out in the field. My daughters favorite player though number 25 wasn't out and about so she was a little discouraged as that really was the only autograph she wanted.





We spent about 5 hours there and we all got a little sun burnt on our faces. We came home to cool off. Coca-cola was giving away free cans of Coke zero but the only reason I drank it was because it was free as opposed to paying 3.00 for a soda and they only had coke anyway. lol. I drank three cans of the yucky coke zero though just because I was thirsty. My kids were really happy with the few autographs they did get and a few beads. They were really glad that I went ahead and got in the line for the cheerleaders while they were in line other places for other things because we were able to get the calendars and the autographs by 11 before the cut off. The other lines were pretty long as you can see in some of the pictures.


But they did have a good time and were able to get a few little soverneirs as well as a few autographs and pictures with the players and other team people. enjoy the pics. The ones that have my children in them I blocked out their faces just so you can see the characters in the photos without seeing my kids. The rest of our family night
will be spent watching movies and eating dinner and just spending some time together.










Good news on the pool though it will be ready to swim in by Tuesday. I already have a few friends that will be dropping by for a dip in the pool lol. Probably soon Thomas and I might be able to make another video. either the cookie challenge Lexan or another implement we will see. For now though enjoy the few pictures from a little vanilla family fun. The best pictures I have are of the cheerleaders I'm sure some of my male readers will like those.

Now that I shared the pictures from the fan fest here a few pictures of our new dog as well as a few of Thomas and i while we were heading to pick up our son for good. We stopped at a park and visited with another friend of ours on the way. Actually it is a friend of our daughters. but we had fun non the less that day as well. Our weekends have certainly been busy ones lately.

The battle of the Tops

I shared a link with everyone about spankingtube. It is a nice place to watch some free clips of spankings and to upload your own so you can get an embedded player for the blogs. There are a few couples on there and many clips of videos from punished brats and Dallas and many others. Alot of the videos are homemade or previews from those that sell there clips on clips4sale and what not. And then of course Thomas and I have many of our videos on there. It can be a good thing but at times it seems that some people can get very nasty or rude and even sometimes a bit competitive as well. That brings me to my next post.

Bill and Sarah are a spanking couple that have posted many videos on the spankingtube. Recently another couple named Kyle and Kat also started sharing some clips of videos they sell on clips4sale. Apparently there is a bit of competition going on or something I am not sure. It started with a video Kyle made in which he proceeded to say that Bill spanks like a girl etc. Bill responded with a video as well that shows a picture photo shopped to show him picking his nose. I do not know if the battle is real or as they say staged for an upcoming battle they got together on called spankingidol. Kind of like American idol where they will have a spank off to see who is deemed best disciplinarian. I kind of have mixed emotions my self about the whole thing. I am going to share the videos as they have been put on the tube so you can see for yourself what I mean. There are alot of comments on all three of the videos and it leads me to want to have a discussion or question today. First the videos

1st one of Kyle and Kat that supposedly started the whole thing


2nd video from Bill in response to the first from Kyle


third response was to Bill from Kyle


After watching all the videos I will let you come to your own conclusion about them. There is alot of comments ranging from supporting this to disliking the battle and the way these guys handle their girls. You'Ll have to go to the tube to read all the comments there are like at least 40 each video.

My whole take on this thing is I would like to discuss how others feel about this kind of behavior and postings on the spankingtube. personally I know neither one of the guys though I have talked some to Bill. And i believe I might have talked to Kyle through myspace a long time ago. My own personal opinion is that if it really is a battle that was staged I really think they could have gone a different way about it. I think trying to be the better spanker doesn't really have a place in my life at least. Thomas did joke with me about making a video with him and I where I take 100 strokes of the nylon cane. But both of us know for one that I wouldnt do it. And Thomas really isnt out for the he who hurts the most type thing. 100 strokes with the nylon cane could really hurt for sure and would put us out of any type of spanking play for a long time. I personally dont feel that being a good disciplinarian calls for spanking the hardest or causing the most pain. For me discipline is really a personal matter that doesn't even call for any type of pain to be considered good. I personally believe that to be a good disciplinarian you have to first and foremost love and care for the one you are disciplining in some way at least. I don't mean you have to have a relationship so to speak but there has to be a level of caring and trust for any of it to actually be effective.

Personally I like intense videos I watch alot of the Lupus clips and things and ones that aren't very intense dont peak my interest as far as watching a video for pleasure, But that's just me personally. I think there is alot that goes into making videos for sale and such and I dont believe that means intensity. Now for play and my relationship with Thomas it all just depends on our moods and what we want at the time. We only video tape some of our play for the pleasure of our readers for our blogs and such. I am sure that others find our videos boring or what not as well as many that like them. I do feel however that as a spankee I wouldnt be to happy getting involved in a war between another Top and Thomas as to who is the better spanker. The truth of the matter is for me there is no other better spankee. My spanker Thomas is just want I want. He knows me and he knows how much I can take. He even knows that I can take alot more then what we usually do for play. He also is considerate enough of my feelings and things. Sarah seems to be able to take alot of hard spankings as well. I have seen a few of their videos where she takes a good dose of spanking and alot were for play. I dont think that the fact that she remains pretty still a sign that it doesn't hurt or it isn't effective. Her pain tolerance is just high and her self discipline is even higher to be able to stay still through a lashing takes alot even for hard players. I know that I move more when I am not being video taped then I would if a camera was on us. But that's just my shyness and the fact that I dont want more to show then I usually show. But it does take alot to do at times.

The Cookie challenge that Thomas and i are working on isn't so much for the videos that we do as it is more to test my limits and see how much I really can take. It is one that we choose to share with our readers because it makes it a little funner to be doing it to share. But5 the Challenge isnt to see how fast and hard Thomas can spank either. The swats are pretty hard as far as play is concerned but for a purpose. I agree some with the comments of others as far as this battle goes. But I also believe that if the girls that are being spanked agree and consent to it then I dont see how it can be considered abuse. As a submissive spankee I know that even I have the choice to decide to walk away or agree with what Thomas wants to do. I can tell you though that if Thomas ever got into a battle of who can hit harder then I personally wouldnt be involved most likely. If he would have been serious about having me endure 100 strokes of the cane just to prove that he can hurt me and make me cry then I do believe that our relationship would probably be hurting more then my bottom would be afterwards. I am hoping that it really is a staged battle and that they aren't really at a war that they are using their girls to try to win a title. I dont know but personally I believe that I dont agree with it either way. But then again I also believe in to each his own and if the girls aren't upset or hurting because of it then it is just as personal for them as any spanking relationship is. Everyone has a different way of looking at things and everyone will have different limits as to what they will allow to be done to them.

So my question is how many of you feel that in their relationship they would agree to this battle? If you did how far would you let your spanker go before you would feel hurt by it? Is there a such thing as a better disciplinarian or spanker? Or is it a personal thing that couldn't really be measured by a spank off?

a spanko meet

On Tuesday night Thomas and I were able to meet with Shari. She is from out of town and called us to let us know that she was in our area. Originally we were going to meet her for a little bit at her hotel. With the kids though this meant that only one of us could meet her or we would have to take turns going to see her. I wasn't to keen on letting the kids alone to go so Thomas and i discussed our options. I was comfortable enough with the fact that I said that we should just bring her here and visit that way. That way we both could meet her and the kids wouldnt be left alone either. It was decided that I would pick her up and that Thomas would bring her back to the hotel. So after dinner and things I headed to her hotel to get her. We stayed at the hotel a little talking about our kids and a few other things. We have alot in common it seems and Shari is a very friendly person. She even bought our pizza for us on our anniversary as a gift before we had ever meet her in person. Both Thomas and I though have been conversing with her for a little while though. She also sent a surprise for me which was some scented candles from a place that she sells them. I will have to get the link again from here and I will share it here for readers that might like to purchase some. They are very nice candles. She had some more when I picked her up at the hotel as well.

We headed to my house chatting the whole way about things. When we arrived at the house our dog went crazy. He didn't really bark at her he just ran around the couch in circles and stared her down a few times. It was funny to watch and one of those things you had to be there for. We sat on the couch and watched some of the movie twilight my son was watching. It was soon time to send him to bed and we continued talking after he was tucked off to bed. A little while later it was getting close to my daughters bedtime as well. Thomas excused himself to go and get her medicine for her. Apparently though when my daughter realized there was company she had been reading in her room. She got very shy acting and ran into our room to hide. She later made it out to the living room where she socialized for a little bit before giving us her hugs and kisses and heading to bed. Shari and were teasing Thomas about his snoring habit and a few things. Thomas finally led both of us to the garage once all the kids were safely in bed.

Once in the garage Thomas had Shari over his lap. She informed us that it has been awhile since she was spanked. Her bottom also showed that as well. She turned pretty pink fast from his hand. She and I laughed and giggled some while she was getting spanked. Thomas found out that she was pretty ticklish in the area just behind her knees. After her first spanking was done Thomas took me over his lap. I had told him to be gentle because I was sore from the cane and I do have some marks that hurt alot. I really didnt want to play too much anyway but I did let him spank me some even though I was still sore. He finally let me up and continued with Shari again. We all talked in between him swatting and things. It was very hot so I had gotten our fan to take in the garage to cool everyone down. it helped a little. it was getting late though and I was getting tired myself. I excused myself and told them that I was going to let them alone so I can go to bed. Told Shari it was nice meeting her and I headed to la-la land. Thomas and her played for awhile before he headed to take her back to the hotel.

It was alot of fun meeting her and I am sure we will get together sometime again soon. I know Thomas will see her again when he attends an anime convention in Atlanta. They are going to share the cost of rooming together as far as I know. Of course there will be plenty of spanking that weekend I am sure. You never know. I wont be around for that though as I will need to be home with the kids. I am hoping though that we will soon get a chance to head to Atlanta again for a party.

sharing some links

Besides the wonderful blogs that I have listed and enjoy. I wanted to share some of my favorite links. Some I have shared before and some are new. The first one is from a blogger that is a master as well. His blog found here is one that I like to read because it comes from the perspective of a Master. Of course my own Thomas is my very favorite but I already know most of his views as I live with him. Getting others views are always a good thing while on this journey of life and submission I now follow. My blog is now 2 years old and I have just began my journey when I started the blog. It has been a very fun and exciting learning experience. Just as life it has its ups and downs. This blogger also writes some books it seems. The one book I will soon get a copy of is called An Owned Life by Dennis Najee. I dont really live the M/s lifestyle at the time and probably never will. My relationship with Thomas is more D/'s then anything. But I am curious as to that side of things. Maybe one day I will find myself involved in that type of relationship for now though it is more curiosity and wishful thinking. I do however like to learn and read about the things I would like someday and those that live it now. Check out his site as well as his book. I haven't read the book myself but hope to soon and I will of course have more views to write about when I do.

The next link I'd like to share is a gallery of spanking pictures. Pattys gallery has many nice images of spanking artwork she has done. I really enjoy her work and like going to the site to see them and other things she offers on her site as well. She has many links and goodies besides just her artwork. I would share a picture she has but I am not sure how that works as far as copyrights and things so Ill just provide the link and let you look.

The next few links are places that you can purchase spanking implements. All of these websites are ones that I recommend when looking for implements. They have good quality implements and spanking things and most are at a very affordable price. I personally own at least item from each and own more from cane-iac and Paddle Masters.
I often like to write about any items I use from each one when we get a chance to play. Thomas and I were able to make a video of some of the products we had from cane-iac. Even at the Texas party when I was playing with Richard Windsor and doing the Santa spanks the bride video the panties I had on were from Paddle Masters. For those that missed those videos here they are. As you can see I enjoy all my items from these places and I intend to purchase more in the near future. I still have my sites set on the rose flogger from Rosy bottoms. We found out about there products when we won the handprint contest at the American spanking Society blog. Our prize was a been a bad girl paddle and it was in the shape of a hand. So watch the videos and check out these sites for some well crafted and nicely priced implements for us spanko's.

Paddle Maters
Cane-iac
Rosy Bottoms

My Cookie Paddle from Paddle Masters


Cane-iac promo video


And Santa spanks the bride video were I wear my spank me panties and receive a spanking for Lee's design of them. lol


Of course those videos bring me to the next link Id like to share. Spankingtube is a website where you upload your videos and get an embeddable player to share them. It also is a place where you can watch many other spanking videos from others as well. Thomas and i have a few videos on there. Members are also able to leave comments and vote for all the videos that are there. So signup today and check out there very large selection of spanking videos. Just remember that most of the videos are personal videos that other spanko's have uploaded to share with the readers. Sometimes the comments can be pretty nasty but there is usually a great selection of spanking videos for anyones taste. Make sure you rate my videos while you are there and leave me a comment. it makes it alot more fun to make and share other videos.

There are many spanking websites out there and lots of places to meet other spankos. There is spankfinder, Fetlife, even myspace has some kinky groups and profiles. Way to many to name them all. I belong to quite a few forums and social networks that have some sort of spanking or BDSM related theme to them. I also belong to many groups in yahoo that cover spanking groups, Domestic discipline and all that stuff. There is a newer group that just started it is kinf of like fetlife and myspace but is geared for mostly just spanko's. It is called Spankolife . I have recently joined and I noticed that the creator of this site as well as a blog has also joined the Spanking bloggers network. So for any of you that want to join with other spankos make a profile and join this site as well.

And last but not least we have a few of my favorite information sites for submissives as well as BDSm'er and also a website that has many articles on domestic discipline. I am sure there are many others as well out there like these but these three are ones that I go to often and have been going to since beginning my journey. They have lots of information for the new and the old and are well worth the effort to check out. If you ever need so reading material or have some questions you might be afraid to just ask people try to find the information at one of these sites.

Taken in Hand
a submissives Journey
Leather and Roses

I enjoy so many sites it is hard to point them all out. I just wanted to share some that I have come to really like and use often. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. The internet is full of helpful and useful information and places where we can meet and socialize with other like minded people. I have a blog roll that highlights mainly spanking blogs with a few BDSM and plain ones as well. I have quite a few friends that I know things about but have never meet. Us bloggers have a great community and for the most part everyone is helpful and supportive about this thing we do and for those that share there everyday life and tales from the secrets of a lifestyle that isnt really a minority it seems there are many that at least think about alot of what many of us practice on a daily basis.

The Suzy Spanking Union

last night we had our session in the garage. It was quite intense and I do not know how I made it through. I really don't want to go through it again. But not so sure it did much as far as stress relief either. But I did receive 10 strokes of the nylon cane and one stroke with that thing hurts like the dickens. So by the tenth I was a mess and ready for it to be over. I was actually ready for it to be over after the first stroke. I am pretty sore and as the cane usually does it left marks. I am hoping that it doesn't take me forever to heal from them like it usually does. And I of course don't want any on top of it either. So I am hoping I can at least keep my moodiness to a minimum. He went back to work today so that will help as he wont be around for me to be moody to.

I wanted to write about a blog that I belong to. It is called the Suzy Spanking Union. I am clue finding Cookie on the site. Suzy from the blog American Spanking Societyr developed the blog as a fun and playful side of spanking. It is based on the same thing a Union would be as far as things like fairness and all that. It is all in playful fun though. On the site they have violations from other bloggers and such. Todd has been violated by Dixie before and other things. They also have started a vote for Union member of the week. Which weekly got to be too much so they started the voting for monthly. So I am hoping that I can get some votes from some of my readers sometime. check out the blog and see what is happening. I currently owe some Union dues so I have to get in gear and get Thomas to take care of those. Of course that will be after I heal from last night. Amber also developed a paddle for the Union. She is selling it on her site sassy paddles as well. So there are alot of fun things going on with the Union as well. It is really fun so any bottoms that want to join the more the merrier. Even if you aren't a blogger it is still a fun way to interact with other spanko's and bottoms as well as get to know the other members. We have chat meetings as well and everyone is really friendly and welcoming. I look forward to seeing some of you there.

As far as anything else in my life goes. my moods are still on there roller coaster ride. I expect that will continue through most of the summer months. Things have gotten pretty stressful in our house. Not really a bad thing as it is more there is now the added aspect of my 13 year old being home again full time and he came home with a pet. We now also have a dog in our household. Three kids and a dog all summer long with no school and I am not working at the moment so I am with all of them 24/7 We cant really trust them alone either so anywhere we have to go we end up having to bring all three kids and it gets pretty full in our car. But I love all my children so I wouldnt have it any other way. I missed my son while he was gone and I am glad to have him home again. It helps that I have Thomas to help me now so it isnt just me that has to deal with all three of them together like before. And the kids have gotten better now that there is more stability and rules that are enforced alot more then before when it was just me.

Well that's about all I have to write about today. I have a few things I need to get done today. We are hoping to have the pool done this week. With the air broken it will help to have a refreshing swim at least when it gets to hot. One of my children my youngest son is under the weather so I will probably have to take a trip to the doctor as well. hopefully he isnt getting the same thing the other two have. It is possible though since my other sons difficulties didnt show up till he was about 8 or 9 as well. Hopefully it is just a bug and he will be fine.

Moody days

The past couple days have been rough for me again. It is that time of year for me anyway but also there are some stress factors involved as well. As it stands now I have a session tonight in the garage and I had one last night as well. It just isnt really reliving any of my stress and I am frustrated anyway from something that happened with Thomas and I. Thomas is getting frustrated himself because I am just so off balance and just in that mood where I don't really care much whether I am spanked or not. There are of course lots of reasons for my frustration and stress but I still cant get myself out of the funk feeling and the snapping. My daughter noticed my mood the other day and asked what is wrong with me. Cause when I am in these moods I hate touch even the slightest touch or gesture of affection gets to me. My son is home and he is really sensitive and loves to hug and cuddle all the time. Our air is broken for one so having someone hugging on you and wanting to lie with you gets annoying when you are hot and irratable to begin with. The kids already know this side of me so they dont get offended when I am like that though they probably dislike it they know it isnt them but my mood. I am hoping that I can soon get out of this mood. Maybe the session tonight might be enough to help me relieve some of the stress and things. It is going to be with the nylon cane which I really hate so it might work who knows. I hope for the sake of my bottom as well as me that it does. I hate being like this but just cant get out of it usually. Time usually works but living with a spanker doesn't allow for alot of time for things to go like that. he lets me go so far before he takes action but so far the action hasn't really had any effect on me. We will see. I have a feeling though that I wont be able to sit very comfortable tomorrow and tonight. I am going to go and rest some before the kids go to bed. I have a feeling it is going to be a long painful night for me.

Consensual non-consent

This is a topic that I have seen many places lately. The blog American spanking society has done a roundtable topic involving non-consensual spanking play and Fetlife has a few topics concerning the same thing. Even in a past post on Thomas's blog he described a punishment session that to an anon commenter he felt was "beating me into submission". So I thought I would write a post that talks about my feelings on the whole thing as well

In Fetlife it was asked if submission was to be "taken" or forced or if it is an act that should willing be given. For me I feel that in my relationship with Thomas there is no way that he can "beat me into submission" or force me to submit to him. I have already freely submitted myself to him. With that I might add that there are times that my moods and attitude go against that very nature of me that I gave to him. So yes in our relationship he can "Take" me or force me to submit at times when I am not strong enough to do it myself or when I am fighting him for control that ideally I really dont want to have. But in no way during those times do I ever feel that he is abusing me or going against my wishes even if he is at the time forcing me to comply when I dont really want to. I can put up a pretty good fight when I get in rebel mood. But ultimately it doesn't change the dynamics of our relationship just because at the time I dont want to do anything

It is a very difficult thing to explain to people who dont understand or dont care to understand. To them if someone says no then it is final and abuse if you use certain measures to get them to yield to your way. Even if those measures are as simple as a spanking or discipline of some sort until they comply. The difference I see here is that I am comfortable with Thomas and I know deep down that Thomas would never do anything to me to harm me in anyway. He wont physically or emotionally put me in any risk. I can give an example here but I am not so sure it will show exactly what I mean

Lets say Thomas and I go out to eat at a resturant one night. I am in a really bitchy mood and I take it out on the server. Giving the server a really hard time and even cussing the server out and things. Lets say that server gets fed up to the point that they grab me and march me to the backroom then yank down my pants and panties and give me a hard spanking. Now to me that would be assault. I would feel very violated

But lets say that instead of the server doing that Thomas had had enough of my bitchiness towards the server and he himself grabbed me and drug me to another room kicking and screaming then proceeds to yank my panties and pants down and give me a spanking. I wouldnt feel violated or assaulted. I would most likely be embarrassed yes but I wouldnt feel abused or anything. Both people did the exact same thing but the reactions and the feelings were different. Why because I gave Thomas my ultimate self every part of me is his. There is that blanket consent where I would expect and know that if I acted that way towards someone that I would be spanked even if at the time I am fighting it or going against it. The server was never given that part of me and I dont belong to him in any way shape or form. So yes my feelings would be alot different and I would really feel assaulted and not punished or sorry for what I did. In fact i would be madder then a hornet so to speak. After Thomas was done i would have felt disciplined and sorry and embarrassed for what I had done and would probably be very well behaved the rest of the dinner and night

So you can see there is a big difference in how we perceive things based on other factors. so someone that reads about a harsh spanking might jump to the conclusion that it is against my will or abusive when really it isnt anything close to that. There is a fine line between things. Ultimately the line revolves around trust love and understanding. I trust Thomas and love him to the point that I do not feel that I am in any danger of great bodily harm or anything from Thomas. With the server I would be in fear of that and wouldnt have any clue as to what his intentions with me would be and that would be a very scary place to be

The trust factor also goes to giving my "gift" of submission away. I don't feel that anyone can really "take" a persons submission. it has to be given freely at some point. Now I do believe that they can "take you" at times after that of course and after being given that gift freely then yes there are times when things can be forced or taken without verbal or any other kind of consent. Hence a discipline spanking or a sexual act. But the consent is still there until it is taken away if it ever is. I dont feel that there will be a time that I would take that gift away from Thomas. I don't feel that he will ever really make me do anything that I would perceive as against my will

Now if there ever comes a day when Thomas decides that he feels it is his right to demand me to do anything illegal or that would cause me great bodily or mental injury then as a person I still have every right to choose to leave and take my submission with me or what not. I don't feel that is an issue though so it is all good. If he would ever strike me elsewhere or hurt me in a way that goes against safe and sane then the trust and the understanding would be broken and my gift of submission would be voided. I dont see that ever happening either

So yes Thomas can and will "take me". He can force me to do certain things that i wouldnt normally want or just do on my own. But he doesn't have the kind of mind control and abusive state of mind that would cause me to be in fear or do things that I would have legal or other outcomes from. In other words i wouldnt kill someone in the act of submission or anything like that. I wouldnt do something to someone else based on fear of retaliation or punishment from Thomas. But if it involves me and my body then it is all his. He has been given that freely and that will not be taken from him because he spanks me to hard or decides to have sex with me when i am not in the mood or what not. That's a risk I signed up for when i took his ring. I may not have a collar and I may not be a slave so to speak. But he does own me and with that I mean my body as well. He cares too much about me and he does have my best interest in his heart. So I can trust that while I may not like everything he chooses to do I know it wont harm me and it is really more just uncomfortableness then it is anything else. It wont hurt me to be his

At the same time I know people are thinking that he has some kind of evil mind control or that I am going through Stockholm or something but I am not. I know the difference between submitting and being forced to things. I have been in abusive relationships that the person only had their interest in heart and i was in fear of my life and things. i dont feel that way in this relationship. He may rule the roost but he does it with love and trust. Something that cant be easily done by many. He doesn't have to force me through fear or beatings because there are none of those in our relationship there is only love caring and the occasional discipline and power exchanges and all are done with a level of mutual love respect and trust between the both of us

granted being a submissive is not an easy task. And it isnt something that you can just give away to anyone. There are times when i struggle with being a submissive and times when it just comes natural. But in all those times I receive a great deal of love and caring even when he is blistering my ass I know it is out of love and caring that it is done and not out of abuse or fear

I dont feel that Thomas can actually "rape" me either. When i gave myself to him that included my body for sex acts. Even if those sex acts are something I dont really like myself. Anal for instance isn't an act I just like. It isn't something that I wake up saying you know what I want anal right now. I would never say that and when he chooses to have anal sex it is a real power exchange between us and it is an act of submission. One that is again given freely even if at the time I plead and beg No because I dont want to. I most likely will always say no i dont want to. But i do submit and allow it to happen. Lucky for me he doesn't take this act of submission as a go ahead to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. He does at times

yes as in all power exchange relationships there are times when the submissive does things for her Dom just because he wants them and not so much she does. I do alot of things I dont like to do for him. But they are for him and him only since he is the one that i gave myself and ny submission to. And while I don't sop much like the sexual act itself I do like the feelings of total submission and knowing that I please him in some way even if that way isnt that pleasing to me. So in a way I still pleased in some way by knowing that I gave to him something that i wouldnt give someone else or something that I really wouldnt like other then I like that I gave him myself

Same with sleeping nude or bending over naked. For me that is a difficult task to just do. I have to be coerced into it but it doesn't really harm me in any way and in the end I feel more submissive which is a way I like to feel regardless of how I am Made to feel it

Thomas has a whole lot of stomping grounds with me. He has been given free reins of me really. That includes if he has a bad day at work and decides that it would make him feel better to grab me and march me to the garage baring my bottom and spanking me till he feels better then he has that right as well. Seldom would he take that up but it is there. I wouldnt feel abused in any way even if that were to happen. Now if he had a bad day at work and decided to back hand me or punch me to feel better then yeah I would feel abused and our relationship would very likely come to a halt real fast. But I know that he wouldnt slug me like that but he might to get frustration and anger out use me by spanking the daylights out of me. But he has that consent already so it wouldnt be anything more. I might cry and of course I will be sore and probably pretty bruised but I will feel alright knowing that I helped him feel better in a safe and sane way. My bottom will heal and it is made to take a good spanking. I would feel safe and protected the whole time as well

That's one of the places we feel connected to each other in that he has ultimate reins of my bottom and pretty much my body as long as the way he uses and takes me fits inside our terms of our dynamics. it isnt okay for him to take his frustration out on me by beating me for no reason unless that beating is within our set limits which spanking is. Punching kicking and slapping are not and I dont feel that i have to worry about that ever happening especially not when he does have a consensual outlet for that pent up anger to go that wouldnt make me feel abused or harmed

So I must say that there really is alot of consensual mom-consent within the realms of a healthy and happy relationship. And when those relationships entail BDSM or submission then the guys that are lucky enough to be trusted with that level of control have all they could probably need and want. What man wouldnt want a girl that would do anything for him. It is well within safe and sane given that there is trust and understanding as to the dynamics of the relationship and how it works for the two involved. I personally know some that wouldnt be okay with giving up there bottom to there man just because he had a bad day. But for me it comes easy., I would much rather offer him an outlet that wouldnt harm me then risk falling into an abusive relationship

I am not saying that just because I submit to thomas in many ways he could never abuse me. he could but I trust that he wouldnt and he has alot of leeway as far as how far he can go before I would perceive anything he does as abuse a;ot more then the average person I am friends with. Even in my friendships it is really rare that I would offer myself to that extreme to any of them. I wouldnt be able to trust that it would end there and that they wouldnt harm me in any other way. And I dont have that kind of level of love with just anyone in fact Thomas is the only one I have loved to the extent that I love him

So I guess these things and the issue of abuse is as simple as it is a difference of opinion as much as there are different people to think it. What works for one relationship wont work the same way in another and there is a such thing as consensual non-consent because i have gone through it a few times. In the end though the results far outweigh anything bad happening and really usually for the most part come out for the good of those involved. The only person that can distinguish abuse and forcing someone to actually do something against their will is the person it is happening to and the person doing it. What i perceive as abuse by someone I might not perceive as abuse by another. Certain levels of friendship come with certain levels of feelings as well. I can feel abused with an average guy I dont know but someone I know and have daily contact with can do the same thing and i perceive it as fun or playful

So it all does boil down to knowing the levels of where you are at with a person before forcing them to do anything including spanking or any other kind of contact such as hugging and things. I would feel a different way if a friend saw me and came up and hugged me then I would if some stranger off the street came up and hugged me. One would be perceived as creepy as the other was friendly and welcomed. So is the ways of my relationship with Thomas. What some might think is bending me to his will or abuse really isnt that to me because ultimately it is my will.

some issues

The past couple of days have been hectic. Today was the last day of school and we will picking up my twelve year old on Saturday to come home for good. So I can imagine that Thomas and I will be very busy in the summer months. I did good as far as not getting spanked for about two days. Then something happened that made Thomas upset and we ended up fighting one night. I choose to leave the room instead of sleep in the same bed as someone when we were both upset at each other. We weren't talking to each other but he did say as I walked out the room that I wasn't sleeping out there. I continued to walk out and went to sleep in my sons room. Around 4 something in the morning though Thomas woke me up and led me to the garage. He brought along our wedding gift as well. He told me that I was being spanked for leaving the room. And he proceeded to give me a pretty hefty dose of the "gift". And then had me return to the room. He has decided now that when I am spanked I will not be allowed to sleep with my bottoms on. So he had me go to sleep in our bed with my bottoms removed. That morning I was still upset and he asked me a question. My reply was why do you care as I walked out to watch some TV until he left for work. He came out a few minutes later and led me into our room. Since the kids were still asleep he just closed the door and got out his game thingy. I dont really know what to call it. Its a stick with a leather thin piece on it that can be used for a whip. It is quite painful but pretty silent. He whipped me a little with it asking me the question over and over until I replied. I still had an attitude so he reached for his cane that he keeps by our bed to help wake me up when I fight it. He used that for a few strokes then finally got out of my attitude enough to admit to him that I do love him and I knew that he loved me as well. He left for work reminding me that none of the punishments I had just gotten were for what he was mad about to begin with. Ideally though he doesn't spank when he is really really mad. He just left the house that night and went to Joyce's for awhile. I am really glad that he isnt one to spank out of anger because I can piss him off royally sometimes. I am glad he waits till he is calm enough to deal with things. I hate though when we are mad at each other or he is mad at me. Even though I give the silent treatment often it is hard to take coming from him because he rarely if ever does it. When he does do it though you know he is mad. But even when we are mad at each other we often still express our love someway to the other. Things went okay while he was at work. Although I felt bad and dont like when things are like that between us. Worse then any spanking is knowing that he is upset enough to ignore me for the most part. That hurts more then the spanking I know will follow when he cools down. The cool down happened yesterday. he told me that things would be dealt with in the garage after the kids go to bed. So he gave me plenty of warning to think about everything and why I was going to be spanked again. I was still a little sore from the whip thing. That thing stings more then anything well not anything it is better then a cane but not much. When he came back from feeding the dogs we laid and rested a little in bed till the kids went to bed. I cuddled up to him because I really hate feeling like I did and I wanted to be close to him. That's a rare thing for me though I seldom just cuddle and much less I rarely if ever initiate it. But I felt secure cuddling with him even though I was awaiting a spanking. After our daughter came in to kiss and hug us goodnight. Thomas said we would give her some time to fall asleep before heading out to the garage. At that time though he placed the "gift" in my hand. He had me hold it until it was time to go to the garage. I also had to carry it with me as we walked to the garage. I was glad however that the "gift" was the only thing he had me bring. That's bad enough but I was expecting a whole lot worse. I held the "gift" while he got the chair in the canter of the garage. then he took the "gift" and sat down and we talked before he called me to his side and gave me the orders to remove my panties. I was in a night shirt and panties so there wasn't much to take off. In fact earlier when I changed into bed clothes. He told me I was pretty brave wearing just a shirt and panties knowing Ill be taking a trip to the garage soon. Our air is broken though so it is really hot in the house. That's the least amount of clothing I feel comfortable wearing though. I removed my panties and laid them on the couch behind us. And he took me over his lap. He started out pretty fast and furious. He made sure he paid special attention to my thighs. he stopped for a little then continued again. After another brief stop he instructed me to count out the next ten and say thank you sir after each count. Afterwards he asked me if the spanking was making me feel any better and if he would end it then if I would be free of my guilt and be okay. That's a hard thing to ask me though. I dont really know what to say. Honestly I probably felt like I deserved alot more but I didn't know and cant really express those kinds of things to someone ans especially not when I am over there lap and they have a paddle in hand. I just answered I guess and he said well he thinks that we should go on till he feels better. Which I knew or at least figured was coming. So he told me again to count them out and repeat the thank you sir. And he stopped then started one more time before telling me to stand up. I stood up and he instructed me to put my hands on my head. Now if my shirt was off that would have been a hard thing for me to do. But it wasn't so I obeyed pretty easy. It was the next set of instructions that got me feeling exposed and made it difficult to obey. He had instructed me to turn around and bend over. It hesitated and got unnerved real quick. I couldn't do it so I found my way back over his lap getting more of the "gift". It was another count of ten but I was nervous and lost count so he started over. He let me back up but I still couldn't bring myself to bed over so back over his lap I went again messing up the count. This time he said we would count his way which included about five fast and hard strokes per each count. up to about four I think before he let me back up and again instructed me to bend over. I was still a little hesitant but I also knew that I would end up there all night if I had to and going back over his knee for more of the gift was not what I wanted I was already sore. I bent down a little but he told me to bend over all the way and placed the gift in my inner thigh that was there and said that they were really inviting if I didnt bend over more. he told me to put my hands on my knees so I could bend more. And he checked out his handiwork as I was bent over. That is a hard things for me that is worse then spanking sometimes as well. Being naked and explored is not anything I like at all. it was finally over and he we returned to our room and I got in bed. Of course I was naked from the waist down but that is better then totally naked. He then had me get up and look at it in the mirror. I could tell by feeling that it was probably bruised. I took a quick glance at it then returned to bed. He joined me and pretty much kept his hand on my bottom most of the night giving it a squeeze now and then. Today I am bruised and still a little sore. But hopefully I wont end up across his lap tonight or anytime soon.

I had wanted to do a video post with all our past videos. But found that our videos on Pornkolt were replaced with some very not spanking porn. I dont really like that kind of stuff and hopefully I erased them all from the posts. I was able to save any that I had on a cd or that were placed on spanking tube. The others are gone. Unless we can find someone that might have saved them on their computer from our sites or something then we are pretty out of luck for about 5 or 6 of the movies we took. My favorite one was among those the one he took before he went to megacon. And the playful ones he did while practicing for the spank the heart contest. From now on I am going to make sure that all our videos are backed up on a disc as well. anyway if anyone happens to have any of our videos saved somehow please let me know and send me them. I would really appreciate it. I am not sure who if anyone would but I can only hope since that's our only chance of ever getting them again.

Videos gone

I was attempting to put all our videos onto spanking tube today. What I came across though from the old site was porn. Where our videos used to be there is now porn flicks. I found what videos I had on a CD but we didnt put all of them on there at the time so some might be lost for awhile. We might be able to retrieve them if we can hook up the computer that has malware if it will work. I dont know I will have to talk to Thomas about that one. So for now Ill wait till tomorrow and post the entry with the videos we have on the spankingtube site. Sorry about that. I think we need to start putting all our videos on CD's as well so that we dont come across this problem again if something happens to spanking tube. Anyway Ill be working on that and will soon have plenty of videos to share.