
****WARNING...Before reading this post please be advised that the views contained are my own personal views and what works for me and my partner. I am no way forcing others to share the same views or even agree with any of the information contained herein. This blog is my own place to share what I feel I want to about my life my love and my journey in a lifestyle that not every one can understand or agree with. The post may contain explicit sexual content as well. So if you are judgemental or easily offended then please do not read the following post as I can assure you that you will not like it. For those that do read it and wish to comment please do. But please keep it civil and kind. Having different views is fine and okay to share as well. But please do not be disrespectful or cruel for no reason including opposing views. Thank you
Cookie Crawford
The other day I became aware of my tendencies to only be submissive when it suited me or I felt like it. Ive been aware of them just never voiced it or worked on it much. There are times when I struggle within myself to be exactly what I want be. So I shared this concern with Thomas and we worked out an agreement that will help me grow and learn to become more of the submissive I choose to be to him. So our relationship is growing in the sense that we both have agreed on certain things that will help me better adapt to being owned completely and learning to be more submissive to him.
Now as I do identify with being a submissive I can say the choice doesn't just come from that fact alone. I am not a door mat or someone that wants to be a slave yet there are certain elements to being submissive that I believe are slave like in nature. But it also doesn't mean that I will be submissive to anyone without them earning it first. I have been in relationships that I have been somewhat "submissive" but not for the reasons that I believe a person should be submissive. I choose to be submissive to Thomas and Thomas alone because he has earned that trust and that love that being submissive brings. It is a journey and one that provides alot of love and caring for both of us. The dynamics that we involve in it will also help us better communicate with each other as well.
In my own personal feelings I believe that being submissive is one step above being a wife. People get married because they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives together with someone that they love greatly. Or at least that should be the reason. They go to the alter sharing vows and devotion to each other. And exchange rings that symbolizes that devotion forever. Is that not saying I am yours and want to be everything to you? To me it is. It is the same when you give yourself to be owned as well. Thomas and I shared exactly the same thing without the legal aspects of it. Technically we aren't married in the eyes of the law or anything. But we are committed to each other and very much devoted to each others happiness. When I said my vows and exchanged the rings I therefore gave myself to him. So that being said is it really that odd to want to be submissive and to be owned by the one that I love and cherish greatly.
Some people ask so why then doesn't it go both ways. Why do I have the be the one showing my devotion by doing what he wants and what he asks of me whether i personally enjoy those things or not. But in all respects it is a two way street. A Owner does show his devotion and love as well. He takes on his "Property" and agrees to caring for it and helping it grow and learn and become everything it can be. Being an owner is just as hard as being owned. And an owner that doesn't love and cherish his property wont have that property for long as with anything else. Just like any relationship there is always give and take somewhere along the road.
So I have agreed to be everything he wants me to be even when being that is difficult or uncomfortable. Our relationship has been difficult and uncomfortable for him as well. He has taken on new responsibilities that he never had before and has had to sacrifice things that he enjoys as well. Staying happy and healthy together takes work on both sides. How we show that love and devotion takes on different forms in our life and our lifestyle.
I saw this quote by Laura Antoniou and I have to agree with it as well. There is a great balance in being owner and owned.
"It may sound severe, Almost anti-erotic. Until you see two people, owner and owned, existing in a complimentary relationship where each suits the other like balances on a delicate scale. " Laura Antoniou, the marketplace
So it is my choice and what works for us, for me to be the submissive one and do for him whatever he wants me to do whenever he wants me too. And i take great pride and joy in doing so as well. It isn't always easy to do as we are told even in most things in life. And I struggle myself with holding on to not wanting to be uncomfortable even for a brief moment in time to please my man. But as I said that is being worked on. And i have given myself to him and wish to give all of me body mind and soul as well.

The submissives prayer. (found on photobucket by unknown)
Allow me the strength to answer the questions I can't fathom
Allow me the spirit to know his needs
Allow me the serenity to serve him in peace
Allow me the love to show him myself
Allow me the tenderness to comfort him
Allow me the light to show us the way
Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to him
Let me be able to show him each day my love of my service to him
Let me open myself up to completely belong to him
Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a women
Let me learn to please him beyond myself
Grant me the power to give myself to him completely
Give me the strength to please us both
Permit me to love myself in loving him
For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to make his life complete as he makes mine.
So now that I got that brief rant out of the way I can share with you some of the details of our agreement. Since it does involve spanking and things as well. I won't share our whole agreement or things but there are a few things like a daily spanking during the "training" period and things like that.
In giving myself to him one of the things he likes is having access to me at night and has a few times asked me to be naked at night. I'm usually not that good at adhering to that and whine and complain when asked. And will when he falls asleep dress. Being naked is one of my uncomfortable stages. Something I am not used to but has no real harm at all. Its quite obvious that he has seen me naked on many occasions so learning to be naked and comfortable with that is something we are working on as well. Which means that now it is a requirement that I sleep naked.
communication is also not one of my strong points either. As I sent him an email with my thoughts on the matter since I couldn't bring myself to say it to him. So as part of the training or learning. it is agreed that I will have a bedtime ritual that includes a spanking with the wedding gift. After 11 or so and when the kids are asleep I will then undress and retrieve the wedding gift. I will stand in the corner holding the gift until called to bed. At which time I will have to present him the wedding gift and ask for him to give me a bedtime spanking with it. And I can assure you that it is difficult I am not a very verbal person but want to be so this is a good learning tool for many reasons. I am not yet comfortable with nakedness and having to stand there before him naked asking for a spanking will help me learn to be more vocal with my feelings and adapt to being comfortable with nakedness. It also gives both of us a chance to connect in a very intimate way as well. As the aftercare also includes me having to cuddle with him and thank him for the spanking.
In our agreement there are a few areas of life in general that I need motivation or just want to change. So I have asked Thomas to help me with changing them and they are part of our agreement as well. I will now keep a daily journal that details my thoughts my feelings and things and areas that I feel I need discipline in. I will also keep a daily list in that journal of areas I faltered or infractions to the agreement. On Sundays when we have the time we will have a discipline and discussion session where we can talk about my feelings and things as well as take care of the discipline for infractions as well. Even in that session the areas of communication and learning to take on responsibility for my own actions comes into play as well.
Having to admit to wrongdoings and ask for correction is not an easy task either. But one that will hopefully help me grow and learn as well. discipline sessions will be a minimum of 10 strokes with the bath brush while I am still in "training" or until Thomas decides they aren't needed as much. Each infraction or area that needs worked on will be given an additional number or implement as well. And at the time that discipline is started I will have to retrieve the stool as well as the implements. I will then again be naked and position myself over the stool while we discuss the journal and the things. At that time he will then decide the consequences for any of the areas as well and tell me them. Of course given my nature and love for certain spankings the bath brush or wedding gift not being ones that I favor are the reason for them being in use. I will also have to retrieve the nylon cane during discipline for use if so needed. That is one implement that I do not like either. After the discipline is over I will then have to sit on a bench we have and write about the session. Giving an apology for what I need to as well as how I will change the behavior in the future and things. It is a time to reflect on areas that I want to change or that I need to change.
Now punishments or refusals and things are going to be dealt with as they come and things. And any punishments that I received will go into the journal as well as an infraction and will also be a part of the discipline on Sundays. So it isnt something that I want to have happen. Which is great motivation not to do anything we agreed I wouldnt do and earn a punishment on top of anything else.
Our whole agreement is one that will allow for happiness and harmony in our relationship and will allow me to become who I want to be. While the agreement states that I will not refuse anything at the time and that he has total control over me and my body it also states that he will not ask of me anything against our set limits or that will have lasting harm on me or others. So everything that is in the agreement even the uncomfortable things are within my limits and things that I have agreed to doing. I may not enjoy the acts themselves at times but I do enjoy and take satisfaction in pleasing him always.
So I may have a sore bottom for a little while while I learn to adapt to things and change some bad habits I take comfort in knowing that I have a strong guide to help me and a person that I cherish very much to lead me through it. I also have a very warmed heart as well as a warmed bottom. And i feel that this will bring us closer and make both of us happier and healthier with life and things.