Okay so I probably have alot I could write about or things I should be doing but it is just one of those days when I feel like doing nothing and Im moody, bitchy and do not want bothered. But I should at least update my blog since I haven't in awhile. Thomas has been home for the holidays and he is usually the one on the computer when he is home. Hopefully in another month or so we will have another computer and I can just use this old one even though it is acting up alot.
Anyway I have gotten alot of people ask me about the pictures of my hair. I haven't gotten a chance to get to the mall yet. But as soon as I do and I get my hair done then I will post the pics good or bad. But Im hoping that they turn out good. LOL. This is something I have waited a long time to do. I have wanted to get another tattoo as well but Thomas hasnt gone for that yet. Maybe someday I can talk him into it.
Last night I recevied a pretty hefty dose of the wedding gift. After the kids were asleep Thomas drove me to a dead end street near our house and had a "talk" about my smoking. Of course the wedding gift did most of the talking. I was also told that we would be having another talk tonight as well. He did say that the cane would also be used tonight as well. because I just don't feel like talking and he wants to know what is wrong with me even though I don't feel like going through the talk or anything. Eventually he will give up and stop spanking me. I'm a big girl so I can handle it until then.
I just haven't been feeling well, the kids are giving me a hard time, Thomas is always caught up in his things and never around much, Im tired of talking, tired of alot of things and just all around feel like crap and not much like listening to anything anyone has to say even Thomas. I want to smoke and have been since we broke up that time. And really now it is harder then ever to just give it up. I also just feel like what the hell who cares anyway if he spanks me everynight I still want a cigarette and I still feel like shit and in a shitty mood. Now I just feel in a shitty mood with a sore bottom. Sometimes I wonder why I even became a spanko and it times like this when I want to just give it all up.
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3 comments:
I totally understand how you feel
=(
You should just take a deep breath and talk. I think part of the not wanting to talk thing comes from some sort of fear, maybe of rejection? At least for me. I know that there are times where my husband isn't really paying a lot of attention to me and my feelings get more and more hurt as time goes on.. and then when he's ready to address it, I just shut down and am super distant.
Once we go through the motions of everything, and I eventually break down and talk, I feel much better and kinda foolish for having made it so hard on both of us to get to that point. Hehe.
I hope things get better for you, Cookie. Hopefully you know deep down in there that they will.
=)
I am sorry you are feeling so down and out. It sucks when the one thing that makes you feel better is not allowed. I hope that you can find something else to replace it.
I can also understand wanting to dig your heels in when you don't want to give something up. Been there many times.
I really hope things get better soon.
Katia
Wow... it almost seems like you were in my head. If you ever want to vent you have my yahoo. Its always on, even when I'm on my cellphone at work. *hugs*
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