football results week three

This week I still ended up taking another loss. It was not a real big loss only 1 point difference. I was hopeful but my team didn't quite come through for me. I was not able to get on before the game started to see who had any injuries or any last minute game decisions. Which kind of hurt me a little though my bench didn't do much better either. So I now have three losses and no wins. I am currently sitting in 11th place but I am hoping that will turn around real quick though. Next week I play my first game in my division against team Whatever. It would be really nice if I could pull off a win since that would bring me up some. Who knows though I am projected to lose with her having a bye player still up so it doesn't look good.


The Cookie Jar 58 ~ SteelPaddle 59

Munchkin's Master 92 ~ A.S.S. 63

WHATEVER 79 ~ Suzys Spank World 59 

Tail Blazer 59 ~ Fanny Smackers 65

Tampa Paddlers 92 ~ Red Butt Enablers 60

RBG's Tush Toasters 70 ~ Bratass 67

As far as I know there were no bets made this week either. Most played in their division with the exception of me and Steel Paddle and Trail Blazer and Fanny Smackers. Which I am not sure who they are and if there is ever a chance that they would meet to cash in any bets. It is still fun regardless.

Here is the standings current after this weeks game.
Spankers

1. Tail Blazer =  2-1-0  with  235 pts.


3. Red Butt Enablers =  2-1-0 with  238 pts.

4. Munchkin's Master =  2-1-0 with 205 pts.

6. A.S.S. =  2-1-0 with 184 pts.

7. SteelPaddle = 2-1-0 with  165 pts.

10. Tampa Paddlers = 1-2-0 with  185 pts.

Spankees

2. WHATEVER = 2-1-0 with 192 pts.

5. RBG's Tush Toasters = 2-1-0 with 184 pts.

8. Fanny Smackers =  2-1-0 with 162 pts.
9. Bratass = 1-2-0 with 198 pts.

11. The Cookie Jar = 0-3-0 with 170 pts.

12. Suzys Spank World = 0-3-0 with 159 pts.

Addictions

Okay I am really really sorry for not updating my blog recently. I should have wrote about the football league on Tuesday and here it is Friday and I am just now getting it done. Truth be told I have an addiction to bejeweled blitz on facebook. LOL. I have been spending alot of my computer time playing the game instead of writing a blog or doing anything else I need to do. Good news is that in about a week or so we will have a new computer so I will be able to use this computer when Thomas is home and working on the new one. It is not the greatest computer but it works for addictions LOL. I can at least play my game at night and wont try to get all my game playing in while he is at work.

I'm working on making some cookies and some food. I have alot of fun trying out new recipes and things. I really need to join and do the recipe sharing thing from the blogs. I have done it once but I have so many good recipes I could share and get from them that I need to make a reminder to myself to check them and add mine.

Now on to the football.

Todd from American Spanking Society and I were up against each other. And we had a bet just like last year. However this time I wasn't able to pull off a win. The bet was that if I win I would get a nice back massage and if he won then I would get a hard spanking with the implement of his choice. So I have a hard spanking coming with Todd only knows what. LOL. too bad he knows that I really don't have hard limits with implements I am sure he will pick a dozy.

 The match-ups for the week were

A.S.S. 68 ~ Cookie Jar 50
Fanny Smackers 60 ~ Suzy's Spank World49
Whatever65 ~ Tampa Paddlers61
RBG’s Tush Toasters 68 ~ Steel Paddle52
Tail Blazer 97 ~ Munchkin's Master 43
Red Butt Enablers 79 ~ Bratass 69


Also remember that a few of the players are also bloggers and in their names above I have included a link to their blogs.
Spankers

1. Tail Blazer = 2-0-0  with  176 pts.
3. Red Butt Enablers=  2-0-0 with 178 pts.
4. A.S.S. = 2-0-0 with 121 pts.
7. Munchkin's Master=  1-1-0  with 113 pts.
8. Steel Paddle= 1-1-0  with 106 pts.
12. Tampa Paddlers=  0-2-0  with 93 pts.

Spankees

2. Bratass= 1-1-0 with 131 pts.
5. RBG's Tush Toasters= 1-1-0  with 114 pts.
6. Whatever=  1-1-0  with 113 pts.
9. Fanny Smackers= 1-1-0  with 97  pts.
10. The Cookie Jar=   0-2-0 with 112 pts.
11. Suzy's Spank World=  0-2-0  with  113 pts. 

The new week will start again this Sunday here are the new match-ups for this week.
Week 2 schedule:


Cookie Jar -vs- Steel Paddle
A.S.S. -vs- Munchkin’s Master
Suzy's Spanking World -vs- Whatever
Fanny Smackers -vs- Tail Blazer
Tampa Paddlers -vs- Red Butt Enablers
RBG’s Tush Toasters -vs- Bratass

Hopefully this week I can pull off a win. But really winning inside my division is a better win. Though so far I have only played spankers. The fourth week though is my first game up against a spankee. I will be playing Whatever. Hopefully I can pull of a win for that game as well. The odds are not in my favor though as my best QB has a bye week that week and I have to use my backup.

With the league though it is never a guarantee about anything. Scores can be very unpredictable and Someone projected to lose can pull off a very big win in the end. There are no bets that I know of this week. I don't really get to see Publikk much and have only meet him once so making a bet would make it difficult to cash in. But I will have fun watching and hoping to finally spank a spanker LOL.

Purple hair

Updated as of 1:27 PM with the pictures. It was fairly easy to get the pictures and not much I had to do to them so I am including the pictures at the end of the post rather then wait till Monday!!!

Well after a long awaited time I was finally able to go and get the purple dye for my hair. I did a few things first though I also lightened my hair with a blonder kit and cut off most of my split ends so my hair is a lot shorter now. I'll be getting some pictures to share with everyone today but probably won't have time to post them until Monday. We are planning on going to Busch Gardens Saturday and Sunday this week. Saturday we are going in the afternoon after Thomas gets off of work. And Sunday it will be just the boys and I as Thomas is going again to Amtgard. But if I get a chance before that I certainly will share.

I have mixed feelings about how it turned out though. I had first gone and bought the comb in color to test it out since that was supposed to come out with one wash. That stuff is horrible though and didn't work. It was like some gel you use in your hair and you could not tell that there was any purple at all in my hair. which kind of defeated the whole purpose in getting it. We wanted to play around with the safe stuff first to see how we were going to end up doing the semi permanent color. We never got to experiment much. We did experiment but my hair looked no different then before we put color on it so it didn't give us any idea what the dye would look like.

So last night I had decided that I would go ahead and risk it. I bought the semi permanent hair dye called manic panic from Spencers. Hot Topics also had it but it was 12.99 a bottle where as Spencers was only 9.99 and I only needed a little. I have plenty left over to play with though LOL.

I took all the stuff to my neighbors who helped me dye my hair blonder and cut it. I told them that they should feel privileged though as I am really picky about who I let my cut my hair and haven't had it cut in about four or five years probably longer LOL. As soon as we figured out that I had a whole lot of split ends that needed to come off I started to worry though as I love my hair long and didn't really want to cut any of it off. Thomas loves my hair long as well and didn't like the idea either. But for my hairs health I choose to go for it.

So as she was cutting I was literally shaking thinking the worst possible scenario in my head. They laughed though as they can tell how nervous I was and we had a lot of fun playing around. In the end it didn't turn out bad and it felt much lighter. LOL It also looks alot better because it now is a even length and the split ends are almost all cut off at least for a little while LOL. It still reaches to just past my shoulder blades though that is a big difference from reaching past my ass like it did before. I plan on letting it grow again and hopefully now that it is cut it will grow faster which is what I have been told before.

After the wash out with the first attempts to purple my hair we just kind of went with the flow and hoped for the best. We went and tried out different ideas and our original idea was to highlight my hair all over with the purple. After I got it though we decided to just do a strip in the front to begin with and see how that goes.

We dyed the hair waited the thirty minutes before rinsing it out then I went to look in the mirror. I was shocked and a little scared about how it actually turned out. It was very purple and we ended up dyeing a larger chunk then I thought we had LOL. Anyway it seems to be alright I think the initial shockers of the purple wore off quickly when we were trying out hairstyles that would look the best with the purple.

I have decided that the best way to have it look the best is with my hair down. Being shorter now it will be a lot easier to maintain and keep down then before. I used to just get up and pull my hair back in a pony tail with the purple strip though it looks weird pulled back as the strip of purple goes right down the middle of the top of my hair. The actual ponytail looks cool with the one strip of purple but is the top layer on the pulled back part that I don't like as much. LOL. But it will gradually fade with each wash and I have plenty more to work with if I decide to do it again. Not sure yet whether I will or I won't.

It was great fun though playing around with my hair and trying the purple out. I am glad that I got so many votes from his post and he agreed to let me experiment. My oldest likes it and thinks it looks cool. My youngest hasn't said anything but I am not sure he really saw it yet. He was in bed when I did it and I woke him up this morning and sent him to school and he never said anything about my hair being purple so I am guessing he didn't pay attention and didn't see it. LOL.

Today I will do a photo shoot LOL. I'll do different styles with the purple and share them with everyone So everyone can tell me which styles they like the best when I post them.

OTK Fantasy football time again!!! First week posting

Okay so as I have already stated I joined  Todd and Suzy's league OTK in the yahoo fantasy football. If you are long time reader you will probably remember that I also played last year. I didn't win but I had alot of fun and there were side bets going on alot during the season. Which makes football a lot of fun. The spongebob spanking that I did with Todd (video at the end of this post for those that missed it) was one of those bets. I won my game against Todd and said that he had to give me a spanking with the spongebob paddle. Well I dressed up for it as well in my spongebabe outfit from Halloween. it was alot of fun. I wonder what kind of fun spankings and bets will be made this year. So far I am not aware of any bets that happened this first week though but we do have a few bloggers playing so I am sure that they also may be sharing about the games.

I'm first going to introduce the league. It is split into spankers and spankees. After each player I have included who they are and if they are a blogger there name is a link to their blogs.

Spankers
- Red Butt Enablers = Chase (winner from last year)
- SteelPaddle = Publikk
- Tampa Paddlers = Thomas
- A.S.S. = Todd
- Tail Blazer = Ken
- Munchkin's Master = Richard Windsor

Spankees
- Suzy Spanking Union = Suzy
- RBG's Tush Toasters = Celine
- Bratass = Katia
- The Cookie Jar = Me Cookie
- WHATEVER = Cowgirl
- Fanny Smackers = Kim
Next I will share my team I did a little better this year as I knew how to at least pick them this time and I wasn't just blindly clicking on names that I liked LOL.

 Tony Romo
(Dal - QB)
 Hakeem Nicks
(NYG - WR)
 Braylon Edwards
(NYJ - WR)
 Pierre Thomas
(NO - RB)
 Joseph Addai
(Ind - RB)
 Owen Daniels
(Hou - TE)
Fred Davis
(Was - TE)
Steve Smith
(NYG - WR)
Brandon Jacobs
(NYG - RB)
Matt Hasselbeck
(Sea - QB)
Stephen Gostkowski
(NE - K)
John Kasay
(Car - K)
 San Diego
(SD - DEF)
Indianapolis
(Ind - DEF)

And my line up this week was as follows

QB Tony Romo  projected to get 22 points actual points were 20
WR Hakeem Nicks projected to get 4 points actual points were 21
WR Braylon Edwards projected to get 4 points actual points were 0
RB Pierre Thomas projected to get 7 points actual points were 9
RB Joseph Addai projected to get 7 points actual points were 3
TE Fred Davis projected to get 3 points actual points were 0
K Stephen Gostkowski projected to get 8 points actual points were 8
DEF San Diego projected to get 5 points actual points were 1

Total  projected points was 60 my total actual points were  62

Here are this weeks match-ups and I highlighted the winners of each match-up. I had hoped for a little higher score it was closer going into Monday nights game but my players didn't do well and his made 5 points. leaving me a bit behind. Next week I will be playing A.S.S. and I am hoping to win that!!!!! This was only the first week so I still have a chance to do better. I think the score this week was pretty close for my team and Munchkin's Master as well as A.S.S. and Suzy Spanking Union. The rest of the games it was pretty much not so close though.

The Cookie Jar 62 versus
Munchkin's Master 70

A.S.S. 53 versus
Suzy Spanking Union 51

WHATEVER 48 versus
Red Butt Enablers 99

Tail Blazer 79 versus
RBG's Tush Toasters 46

Fanny Smackers 37 versus
Bratass 65

Tampa Paddlers 32 versus
SteelPaddle 54


The new rankings are not updated in the League yet so I am just going to rank as I can by the scores that everyone got.

1.    Red Butt Enablers       = 99
2.    Trail Blazers                = 79
3.    Munchkin's Master      = 70
4.    Bratass                        = 65
5.    The cookie jar             = 62
6.    Steel Paddle                = 54
7.    A.S.S.                         = 53
8.    Suzy Spanking Union   = 51
9.    Whatever                    = 48
10.  RBG's Tush Toasters  = 46
11.  Fanny Smackers          = 37
12.  Tampa Paddlers          =  32

Okay so before I got finished posting this the rankings updated and it was different then I thought. They did it alot different and I dont know how but I ended up being 7th in 12. Here's how the league ranked us. Somehow Red Butt Enablers came in as number 3 when he got the highest score. So I do not really understand how it is working this year. So I will just watch and see and hope for the best LOL.

Spankers


2. SteelPaddle = 1-0-0 with 54  pts.

3. Red Butt Enablers = 1-0-0  with 99 pts.

4. Tail Blazer = 1-0-0  with 79  pts.

5. Munchkin's Master = 1-0-0  with 70 pts

6. A.S.S. =1-0-0  with 53 pts.

12. Tampa Paddlers =0-1-0  with 32 pts.

Spankees

1. Bratass =1-0-0 with 65 pts.

7. The Cookie Jar =0-1-0  with 62 pts.

8. Suzy Spanking Union = 0-1-0  with 51 pts.

9. WHATEVER  = 0-1-0  with 48 pts.

10. RBG's Tush Toasters = 0-1-0  with 46 pts.

11. Fanny Smackers = 0-1-0  with 37 pts.


I'm not 100 percent sure how the league works this year but Todd and Suzy have posted about it on there blog and they know how it goes. They have a post Here about the draft and will be updating weekly as well.

The main prize this year is The Black Night from Cane-iac



I think that there is also a prize for second place or the first place for the second division. Again, I'm not quite sure but we will see in the end what happens. I have my sites set on the Top prize though LOL. It does look very ouchy but it is fun to win and try out new things I always love doing that. And Cane-iac has really nice things like I said before in my last post.

Now onto the video from last years bet with Todd. Enjoy!!  It was alot of fun making the video and playing with Todd. I haven't had the chance to get any spankings from him recently though as I had to miss this last party with them that Thomas got to go with Katia. However, I am hoping to get the chance to go to the next party they have and since Todd and I are playing this week maybe there will be a bet going on who knows.



That's all I have for now stay tuned next Tuesday for another update on how my team is doing and how the league is going. Also check out the other blogs as I know that Cowgirl, Todd and Suzy, and Thomas at least are also blogging about the league. Not to sure about the other bloggers but they have great blogs that are worth checking out regardless.

Cane-iac

Tomorrow I will be posting the results from the first week at the fantasy football league. So since Cane-iac is providing the wonderful prizes for Todd and Suzy i wanted to write a little about Cane-iac as well. I love this site and they are very affordable. I just have had any time or extra funds to purchase any implements lately but I am looking into possibly getting a few here real soon. Plus I have my sites set on winning the prize from the football league LOL. Most of my my toy bag as small as it is comes from cane-iac implements. They recently have a new item available though they almost always have something new and exciting coming out. This time what caught my eye was the new spanking shorts.

The set is only 26.45 for both and I think they would be a fun thing to wear at spanking parties. I wouldn't be able to wear them around my house because of the kids but I would wear them anywhere else. I am working on saving some money for Christmas and have been thinking about what I want to get for Thomas this year. We will be able to have our own tree again this year in our room so we can celebrate Christmas night with spanking gifts that go under our own tree away from the kids. I am sure that Cane-iac will be my spot for his gift this year.

Check out the site Cane-iac and I am sure that you will be able to find something that will peek your interest at a very reasonable and affordable rate. I highly recommend cane-iac above all other places because the service is great, the implements are top quality, and the price is right. I think every spanko should have at least one Cane-iac item and I it doesn't even have to be an implement as they have a very wide selection of everything imaginable for spankos.

Okay this is off topic but I am sure that I will soon find this item there as well. Silly bands are the new craze for kids. I was surfing the Internet and came across a site that offered adult silly bands. These are pretty neat though I have yet to find spanko silly bands. The only close that I found was a set that had a butt and penis and other sexual parts etc. I would only want the one band out of that though as a silly band penis just seems really weird LOL. Anyway I am trying to get together a set that is spanking related lets see what i can find with some of the sets that my kids have. They have a few odd ones that aren't spanko per say but can surely fit the part. There is one that is a tennis racket but to me as a spanko it looks more like a paddle.

spanking meme from emma enchanted

1. Would you rather be spanked outside in a cold woodshed or inside by a cozy fire?
I think it depends on the type of spanking I would be getting. If it was play or for fun then I would prefer by the cozy fire. if it was for discipline or stress relief then the cold woodshed would be better to get the desired results.


2. Would you rather be spanked in public or in private?
Well this also depends on the type of spanking playful fun ones I do not mind being spanked in front of others. But when it is for real things then I prefer private. As far as how public we are talking about is another thing as well. I think I don't mind the public where everyone is also spankos but don't know how I would feel if it was people that are vanilla and otherwise not used to seeing that. Though it is a fantasy that I would get spanked in public but not one that I would want done for real. It is better just to fantasize those kind of things.


3. Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked? I think I would much rather be spanked then have to fantasize about it. Although there are a few fantasies that involve spanking that I would not want for real so I think my answer would be both I guess though i love the real spankings alot better for the most part.


4. Would you rather be spanked for your humiliation or for your spanker's pleasure? Well really both I guess though I do not like extreme humiliation or all that.



5. Would you rather be spanked by hand or by hairbrush? Well I hate the hairbrush and would much rather be spanked by hand. Again this also depends on the spanking that I would be receiving. playful spankings can be fun with the hand but if it is for stress relief or punishment the hand just would not phase me.

6. Would you rather be spanked by belt or by cane? I dislike both but I would much rather take the belt then the cane any day.

7. Would you rather be spanked by paddle or riding crop? This is easy the riding crop is a very friendly spanking tool. paddles are good as well but they hurt a little bit more to me.

8. Would you rather be restrained or unrestrained during your spanking? I am a bondage loving Cookie so I would apt for the restrained. Although I would really have to trust the person doing the spanking and I don't think that I would like it for discipline as my head space would be elsewhere. But if it is going to be a particularly hard spanking and I wouldnt be able to sit still for then yeah restrain me and get it over with LOL

9. Would you rather be spanked until you cried or until you are aroused? Both have there place in my life. There are times when I would like to cry and very few that I find arousing. But there are times when a spanking can be arousing I guess.

10. Would you rather have just a red bottom or welts/bruises? Well I prefer to be able to feel the spanking afterwards and i bruise pretty easy even if it didn't hurt so I guess i would say bruises.

11. Would you rather be spanked for the naughty things you have done or just because you enjoy the experience? Give me both and Ill be a happy camper

12. Would you rather be spanked with pants up/skirt down or pants down/skirt up? I prefer bare bottom spankings but getting to the bare bottom during a spanking can also be fun.

13. Would you rather be spanked somewhat clothed or entirely naked? Okay that is easy I do not like being naked and don't like being spanked naked so Ill say somewhat clothed.


14. Would you rather your spanking be strictly disciplinarian or sexually attractive in nature? Umm I practice both kinds and then some.

15. Would you rather be spanked by a male or by a female? I prefer male spankers but have been spanked by a female before and it has it advantages I wouldnt mind doing it again as long as it is an experienced spanker and she can spank.

16. Would you rather be cuddled or scolded after your spanking? After a spanking I much rather be cuddled and assured that i am cared for. There is a time and place for scolding but that is usually before and during the spanking. There are times though that after the cuddling I would like to be sent to bed for a restful sleep. But not so sure that consists of scolding.

17. Would you rather be spanked OTK or bent over a table/chair?
oddly enough I like being bent over something. But I prefer OTK with most spankings and especially the bathbrush or such.

18. Would you rather your spanker have physical contact with you? Well spanking in itself is physical contact. They are touching and striking a part of your body. But if you mean other contact then yes most times I like a hug after if at a party and we had spanking play and I love when my own spanker has contact with me after spankings and when he rubs and caresses in between spanks. Again that is mostly just for fun erotic or playful spankings. discipline not so much during as after i need reassurance and cuddling.

19. Would you prefer to be spanked in the woods with a tree branch, bent over the hood of a car, or in a school with a ruler bent over the desk of your teacher/principal? I have been spanked in the woods before not so much with a tree branch that I can remember. Don't think I would like that. bent over the hood of a car almost had that recently. But I find the bent over a school desk by your teacher sounds very interesting and I would rather that.

20. Would you rather be a brat to your spanker to deserve a spanking or simply ask your spanker for a spanking because you know you needed it? Well there is a bit of fun in both ways. I wouldn't want to overly brat but a little playfulness and chasing before a spanking is always funnier then just saying hey spank me and they bend you over and spank you.

21. Have you received a spanking in the past week? yes I sure have I recevied a few actually

22. Would you rather be spanked for the physical pleasure or the emotional release? I rather it be for the emotional release as there really isn't a whole lot of physical pleasure in a spanking usually.

23. Would you rather tell your best friends you enjoy be spanked or keep it secret? my best friend knows and almost anyone that i am friends with know a little. I don't think I would go into alot of details unless they wanted to know then I don't care to share.


24. Would you rather spanking be a lifestyle choice or just something you dabble in? Its a lifestyle choice I really dont just dabble in it

25. Would you rather your lover be a vanilla or a spankoholic too? I don't much like vanilla so spankoholic sounds good to me. Since my lover is and i don't want another lover then that is an easy question LOL

26. Would you rather be spanked by a stranger or by someone who knew you well? I have thought about the thought of a stranger type thing but in reality I would much rather it be someone I knew well. Well actually that is not true I have been spanked by men at parties that I only knew for a little while but they are at a party and I know them somewhat.

27. Would you rather be spanked by despotic, mean person or by a compassionate, benevolent person? compassionate, benevolent person

28. Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at all? I don't think I would like to just lay there and not have any scolding or talking or other interaction during a spanking that would be rather boring and probably would put me in a bad state of mind.

29. Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire? Yucks I think I might regret answering this but I tend to like the continuous tanning to build up the fire.

30. Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a spanking? Umm i like the forced spanking with the right person(my partner) But there is also something about being able to willingly submit that makes things better. Honestly I willingly submit anyhow even if at the time I struggle and fight just because I have given him my blanket consent. but there is fun in a struggle sometimes.

9/11 tribute videos and music

This video always makes me cry.

submissiveness and more

I promised that I had a few ideas on my thoughts of submission that I would share today. But I also have a few other things I want to share as well. Ill start with the few other things LOL

First off I wanted to share another blog that I haven't yet added to my links. It is one of Suzy's blogs from American Spanking Society. It is called Spanking in Suzy's world. . She writes alot and has started awhile ago interviewing or writing about spankees and spankers that she personally knows and have meet. Last week she featured Thomas and this week she featured me. So if you haven't already checked out her blog please do as it is really interesting and you will get a chance to learn about your everyday average spankos that are around. I think I was number 13 so you know that there are many spankos to read about.

I'm excited about this weekend though as we finally got a chance to purchase 2 more tickets for Busch Gardens here in Florida. They have a special pass for Florida residents called a fun pass that is valid until December something of 2010. But for 75 dollars each pass it is a great deal to be able to use it to get into the park everyday if you wanted 2. If you only go twice then it is still a good deal since a one day ticket cost more then that price regularly. We already purchased our oldest sons pass a few months ago when his school was planning a trip there and it would have cost us 50 just for that trip so we opted to get him the pass and had hoped to get all of us passes sooner so we could all go. That didn't really happen as we didnt have any extra money coming in and the money we do have mostly just pays the bills. Well finally some issues with child support that had gotten lost finally got worked out and I recevied some of that money and it was enough to get 2 more of the tickets for my youngest and me. So I will be getting those tickets this Sunday and the boys and I are heading to Busch Gardens on Sunday for a day of fun together. Thomas is going to amtgard and not at all worried that we don't have enough for his ticket yet. Hopefully we will get that one next week if the rest of the money I am owed comes in. Then we can start planning a trip to Busch Gardens every Sunday or Saturday afternoon and get the most out of our tickets till December.

I also stole a spanking meme from Emma enchanted that I will posting real soon. So I do have a few things that I can post coming up soon so hopefully my blog won't be so few and far between posts I also joined the OTK fantasy football league again this year so Ill be keeping up with that and sharing the results and things here. My first post will probably be on Tuesday about that though as the games started last night and won't all end until Monday night. So keep in eye out for those as well.

Now on to my thoughts and feelings......

I have gotten alot of emails both good and bad considering my relationship with Thomas and being a submissive. One thing that bothers me most is when someone feels the need to contact me to tell me that they feel that I am in an abusive and unhealthy relationship and that I am weak and allowing a man to control and beat me. Those people are oh so wrong about what my relationship is and what being a submissive to Thomas means to us. It may mean different things to others and alot of people who don't care to understand won't and thats okay just don't think that I have to feel the same way as you and consider me abused because I have this kind of lifestyle. I don't go sending emails to people with my opinions in the way I have gotten some. Having an opinion is fine and it is okay to voice that opinion but I don't have to agree with it and there are ways to voice your opinion without putting down or being crude and mean to someone.

For me being submissive is not about just blindly being a doormat for someone in the name of Love or whatever. And I have come from the abusive side and can tell the difference between a controlled relationship and a controlling relationship. And I in no way shape or form feel at all abused and my days are not filled with fear as they once were before in my relationships. And I know that many can't or won't try to understand that.

Being submissive for me is not about control really either. Although there is a level of controlling in the acts there is more to it then him just demanding me to do things his way or I get beat. I never have been beaten by Thomas ever. And you all can call it whatever you want I call it caring and giving me what i need and want and desire even if at the moment that it happens it isn't necessarily what i want.

For someone that doesn't have the same mindset or know just how peaceful and relaxing a spanking or dominance can be then they can never understand the emotional level between two people who partake in power exchange, Spanking, HOH or whatever name they give it. I can't even describe the level of happiness or bliss and what not that comes from the intimacy and closeness a relationship of this kind brings. It works well for me and Thomas and it is the times when our relationship strays from this that we have the most problems. Every relationship has its up and downs but it takes love and strength to be able to get through them together and with each person being happy and content.

For me my content comes from being submissive. I feel my best when Thomas is in control. Just to know that I have a strong guy that loves me and loves me enough to make sure that I am happy and that I do things that are good for me as opposed to not good for me and whatnot. Even acts that I wouldn't like give me a feeling of security and a level of happiness that I can't get elsewhere. I am still my own person and have my own faults, feelings and things and my own voice and I have the freedom to voice my concerns although I don't have the communication skills to do it the way I probably should sometimes but thats okay that is one of the things that we are working on together.

I know that some also think that this kind of thing is strictly sexual and just for erotic or sexual needs and what not. I however do not agree. I agree that there is a level of sexual needs that very well can come from this lifestyle and it really spices up the sex life to add a little spanking or tying up and what not to lovemaking but that is not all there is to this whole thing either.

Like I have said before sometimes when my emotions are getting the best of me a good sound spanking can help me feel more relaxed and less stressed. I don't really understand why or how and the way the whole mind works but I do know that for me if I feel stressed out and moody then to have Thomas take me across his knee and paddle me with the wedding gift until I can't sit anymore is usually very helpful. Although in our house the need far outweighs the ability so I often feel stressed since he can't really just take me in the room and spank it out of me.

This whole dynamic and lifestyle thing is very hard to understand or describe and it is different for each person. What a submissive means to someone else means an entirely different thing to another submissive. But it all boils down to what works for each individual and their partner or partners. And just because I choose to be submissive to Thomas and identify myself as a submissive does not mean that i will be that to anyone that claims to be a Dom type or Top. I only submit to Thomas because for me that submission is an act of love and it is an act of a very close and tie between us. But some think that submissives should just sit back and listen to any and all Tops or Dominants whenever they say something and what not. But nope not this submissive. My submission is a gift and one i do not give away freely to just anyone.

I probably didn't even get across what i wanted to get across because well I just am not the best at saying my feelings real easy and even when i do I don't always convey my thoughts the right way that I meant to. But hopefully I helped some understand that while yes Thomas and i have our ups and downs we are a loving couple and there is no abuse or mistreatment.

learning and growing

So at 35 years of age one would think that I am grown. Well I agree that I am grown I also realize that all through out life there is alot more growing and learning to be had. It doesn't just stop because you are a grown up.

I have learned quite alot about myself and life and love in the last three years or so. Things that I never thought about or even knew about. I also learn alot about myself as well. And I believe that I will have many more lessons to learn throughout the rest of my life.

Many people can't understand the dynamics around domestic discipline or being a submissive and things like that. Honestly I don't even really always understand it myself but I have come to see that it is what works best for me and has opened my eyes and helped me in alot of areas. Ones that go beyond just the sexual aspect that many put on spanking and being a submissive and things.

My relationship with Thomas has given me a better understanding of what love can be and has also been a very wonderful thing for me. Even when I want to give up and think that things are not going well or the road is rocky one thing remains. LOVE. I used to think that word had no real meaning and that it was often used to loosely. Which it might still be in some areas but in our household that word has a whole lot of meaning.

The past few weeks maybe one could even say months I haven't been doing well emotionally I started to feel myself resorting back to old habits of closing myself off to the rest of the world and wanting to run anywhere but where I was. I could feel myself closing myself out from Thomas and being able to go to another place to avoid the bad things. Some may not be able to understand exactly what I am talking about and it is something that is really hard to explain. But I can try. I learned throughout most of my life to be able to become numb and to not have to feel. Being in abusive relationships and going through some things I went through in my life I had to learn to survive. And that survival skill was one that I learned to block out both the physical and emotional pain that I felt. It worked and was not easy to overcome especially when by the time I met Thomas I was so emotionally numb I am surprised that he was able to get through to me at all.

Becoming a spanko was at first very easy for me as I could withstand alot due to being able to block out pain really easy and natural. I really didn't feel pain much at all. As some might know I used to say how Thomas's hand didn't even phase me and before it didn't. Now though it is a different story. I can try to blame it on the medicine and all that but the past events have lead me to believe that it was just the survival skill I had that I didn't even realize I was doing until recently. I knew somewhat that I was but it became evident when I started to lose that skill. There were times when I would wish that I had that skill still and knew how to go back there but just couldn't. The mind works in very mysterious ways though. Try as I wanted to I just couldn't get there anymore. Or so I thought.....

Ever since I started to feel like Thomas and I were a lost cause and that I was alone and unhappy and things were not going well between us. He was pretty preoccupied lately and I just wasn't feeling real secure and started to feel like I just didn't care anymore about anything. It started about last month when I wrote him a letter and said that we were through. Of course we worked through that but he was still pretty preoccupied and hadn't realized what I was feeling. Of course that would be more because I still haven't completely conquered the communication thing yet and I am not good at saying my feelings and just assumed that he should know them. he knew something was wrong but I never directly told him what was bothering me though.

So instead I resorted to smoking again and hiding it from him. A habit I have had for quite some time but was able to combat for a little while. It was alot easier to do when we were happy and I was content and secure. And it was alot easier to not run to cigarettes when I felt that I had Thomas to turn to instead. Which lately I haven't felt like that and starting again is making quitting again difficult. It was also to the point where I didn't care if it was his rule or not or whether it would hurt me or not and all that jazz. My attitude lately was pretty much a fuck you attitude towards everything. So when he found out about it and had his discussion the first night with the paddle it really didnt phase me much. I really only got madder and pissed off from it so the next night was the same thing. He caned me for my attitude as well as the smoking but I fought him every step of the way and was getting more and more pissed and finding out that I still had that skill it only comes when I need it though.

I still can't understand the whole thing myself or how it works or how my mind decides when it needs that skill. It just does. And when I sit and think about things I can see some of the differences. One thing I can say is that in my relationship with Thomas I don't have the fear of him hurting me like I have in the past. Even when we are pissed at each other or things are not going well I don't live in fear of what he will do to me or my children. That is a big difference from any feeling I have had before. It feels good to not have to live in fear something I have done for many many years.

Last night though through my attitude I was able to find that little part of me that still loved Thomas and that knew that this was a relationship that needed to be worked through and that I was safe to say to him look this is wrong and this needs to change etc. etc. and we were able to talk though I still didn't talk as openly as I probably should have. That will probably take some more time. In the talk though Thomas had decided that he is going to make it a rule that we have a talk once a week so that I can learn to communicate and so that before things get to the point that I feel like I have been feeling maybe we can combat them before through communication.

Just that simple act of talking even though it wasn't the easiest or funniest thing to do, a Hugh weight was lifted off my back and I felt a little more secure and happy. It was then that I started to feel guilty and realized that I was really being a bitch and hurting myself and my family because it. I know that is one of my biggest faults and lucky for me that Thomas is able to see it for what it is and get me through it when most would pack up and leave or give up.

I wish I could say that talking got me out of my punishment that he was planning but it didn't. It probably made the whole process alot easier and saved alot of fighting and unnecessary pain for both of us. But the fact still remained that I had an attitude and I had smoked and lied about it and I also revealed that the past two nights of spanking were pretty much useless and did nothing except add to my attitude and being in a mood.

I have come to find that discipline or punishment really isn't at all about the spanking side of it. Something I really knew anyway. It is much more about the mindset of the spankee. A spanker can spank someone all they want but until the spankee accepts it and feels something besides just the spanking it is not going to do anything at least not for me. And I am sure as I have seen elsewhere it is like that for many spankos that practice both discipline spankings and fun and erotic spankings.

So last night after we had gotten the kids in bed and Thomas returned from Joyce's since our computer wasn't working and he needed to do some things online. I had gone to bed I had a headache and was tired from being so emotional and all that and having it all lifted. He woke me up and instructed me to strip. He then had me bend over the bed and he got the nylon cane. I knew what was coming as he told me before. But I didn't fight him or get mad this time. I knew that I had deserved it and that it was something I actually needed. I don't know why I do but I do and know that I do. So I bent over the bed and he gave me a dose of the nylon cane. It was painful but my mind was not in a state that it would resort to my survival skill so I had to feel it all. Afterwards though Thomas and I got into bed and cuddled a little before I feel asleep. It was a much needed and peaceful sleep as well even if my backside was hurting.

Hopefully I can avoid any more of the nylon caning for awhile. I know that I probably will have some spankings as it is wired in me that I need those every now and then and hopefully Thomas and i can find a way to get some more spanking time in so that I can get release I need from them without having to resort to having an attitude or anything like that which makes everything alot more harder then they need to be.

I have alot more I could write about as far as submissiveness goes but I will save that for another post. Right now I still have my headache and I have some things I need to do in the house plus my son just came home from school. So hopefully I can get all my thoughts together for a post tomorrow. Right now I am sitting sore but happy and content and feeling alot more secure with things.

Its just one of those days.

Okay so I probably have alot I could write about or things I should be doing but it is just one of those days when I feel like doing nothing and Im moody, bitchy and do not want bothered. But I should at least update my blog since I haven't in awhile. Thomas has been home for the holidays and he is usually the one on the computer when he is home. Hopefully in another month or so we will have another computer and I can just use this old one even though it is acting up alot.

Anyway I have gotten alot of people ask me about the pictures of my hair. I haven't gotten a chance to get to the mall yet. But as soon as I do and I get my hair done then I will post the pics good or bad. But Im hoping that they turn out good. LOL. This is something I have waited a long time to do. I have wanted to get another tattoo as well but Thomas hasnt gone for that yet. Maybe someday I can talk him into it.

Last night I recevied a pretty hefty dose of the wedding gift. After the kids were asleep Thomas drove me to a dead end street near our house and had a "talk" about my smoking. Of course the wedding gift did most of the talking. I was also told that we would be having another talk tonight as well. He did say that the cane would also be used tonight as well. because I just don't feel like talking and he wants to know what is wrong with me even though I don't feel like going through the talk or anything. Eventually he will give up and stop spanking me. I'm a big girl so I can handle it until then.

I just haven't been feeling well, the kids are giving me a hard time, Thomas is always caught up in his things and never around much, Im tired of talking, tired of alot of things and just all around feel like crap and not much like listening to anything anyone has to say even Thomas. I want to smoke and have been since we broke up that time. And really now it is harder then ever to just give it up. I also just feel like what the hell who cares anyway if he spanks me everynight I still want a cigarette and I still feel like shit and in a shitty mood. Now I just feel in a shitty mood with a sore bottom. Sometimes I wonder why I even became a spanko and it times like this when I want to just give it all up.

Strange sex

Okay now that I have your attention LOL I must say that I was watching this series on TV and I found some interesting topics That I had to share. The first one they call "Thinking off" it is the ability to have an orgasm just by thinking and some have called it an energy orgasm. Apparently it isn't the same type of orgasm one gets from sex that has wetness to it because from what they said the guys that have done it didn't cream their pants or whatever one would call that. They just went through a very mind blowing experience to say the least. I guess maybe I better get to learning this technique though as I would love to have sex at least once a day but as it stands I am lucky if I get once a month. Check out these articles and things and see what thinking off is and let me know with a comment what you think. Do you believe it is possible? and things like that.
Thinking off is it really possible

Women who could think herself off

CBS news article

This last link though is a video preview of the actual show that I saw. And yes there was another part of it that I will later blog about as well. But I wanted to start with the "thinking off" post first as it is much more of a fun topic then the other one is.
I am bored video preview

So enjoy and let me know what you think.

The votes are in

Congratulations goes to Chross for being nominated and voted the spanking blog of the month at Spanking Bloggers Network. Chross has a very popular and nice blog that he works hard at and you can tell. Every Friday he does a spankings of the week post where he shares some links to other bloggers that had some interesting spanking related posts. I know that I look forward to Fridays because of this and the links take you to some really good reads and often times videos and pictures as well. Of course not all the links are always blogs either he shares links to other spanking related sites and places of interest

Besides the spankings of the week post he also shares many pictures he finds on the web as well. He has many post with videos from mainstream movies and such. There is alot to find at Chross's blog. So I am sure that many of my readers already know about Chross but if there are any that don't then you really need to check it out and see what you are missing. And while you are there congratulate him on his efforts.

As far as things with me I am looking to do my hair sometime next week. I have not been feeling well lately and my doctor gave me a blood test to rule out any accidental things like a baby. LOL. I know that I am tied and it is almost impossible for me to be pregnant but I had a scare that is for sure. I was getting and still am morning sickness and feeling nauseous alot more then just from like the flu or something. I also started peeing alot more and told Thomas that I was almost certain it was an accidental thing considering I found out that after 10 years your chances of getting pregnant go from 1 percent to 5 percent. I also know that if you are one that percent then the pregnancy is most likely a tubal and I wouldnt want that. I will find out tomorrow for sure but I am almost certain that I am not now. Though Ill admit that I was a bit happy thinking that I might be. As far as financially I know we aren';t prepared for it. But I sometimes regret having my tubes tied. But after I think about it or the kids act up and remind me that Kids are not always fun then I know that it was a wise choice and we dont need another baby. Ill be happy when 8 years is up and my youngest is finally 18 and then I can be free to do alot more. Although with my sons problems he most likely wont be leaving home at 18 or anytime soon after him turning 18.

Thomas might be going to a spanking party this weekend. He was going to let me go and he would watch the kids since we really couldn't afford to both go at the time and we have no one that we can trust to watch the kids. I decided that I would rather not go by myself I would rather it be both of us or just him since I havent been feeling well still and I have never been to a party without him. I'm not sure what is going to happen yet. But I know that Thomas will be happy if he gets to play at a party. It has been a long time since we have been to any parties. I'm hoping that we can soon find someone to trust the kids with and the money to be able to afford to go to an SOS party in Atlanta I miss those parties. Anyway I have to get going go check out Chross's blog and check back soon as I will be doing my hair and posting pics when it is finished good or bad however it turns out LOL.